another baby story

*written a few days ago*

here i am on my hospital vacation, loving life. sure, my butt is numb and i'm in pain but it's not too terrible as of day two. day one is always the worst. in some way i'd like to go home but home means having to take care of my kids and no more snuggling my griffin.... so i'll stay here for a bit longer.

my original due date was august 24 and we debated on the date quite a bit. i wanted griffin to be born on the 16th [which we had to get approval for because it's technically a week and a day before my due date and the hospital only let's you do c-sections one week before]. justin, porter, and i were born on the 16th. if landon was a scheduled c-section, he could have been born on the 16th but alas, he was a week late and came on the 30th.

it was days leading up to the delivery and griffin's name still wasn't decided on. i would write lists or we'd take quizzes together but still couldn't agree on a name. it was important to me not to repeat the first letter of our names- so i didn't want to name our kids a j, m, l, or p name. that doesn't sound hard but justin's favorite name was lincoln. my top favorites were ryder and declan. i suggested griffin weeks ago but stopped liking it, and then justin started loving it. it came down to a coin toss a few days before the delivery: heads for brock, tails for griffin. i lost. i thought justin might take pity on me and let me have my way but when he gave me a blessing the night before my surgery and called the baby griffin, i knew his fate was sealed. i've come to love it...slowly. even our family wasn't sure what the baby's name was when he came out!

friday night, justin's mom watched the boys so we could go on one last date night. we had a double date with the irelands- dinner & 'fantastic four'. the movie was okay but the dessert at cream [downtown summerlin- kind of like a make your own ice cream sandwich] was well worth it. my mom came into town late friday and stayed with us which was a fun treat. saturday we stopped by my mom's house, ran to costco, then my mom took my kids to mcdonalds while i rested. i had been having a lot of anxiety and fear over the surgery. i won't go into specifics but physically i was having a lot of issues. when the kids went down for a nap, my mom and i went for a manicure and pedicure. justin was busy doing last minute preparations around the house for the baby. it was a great, fun day just hanging out together.

we reported to the hospital sunday morning around 6:30am, scheduled to cut at 8:30am. the night before justin gave me a blessing which helped me sleep a little bit better then i had with the other two boy's deliveries. i still wasn't feel well that morning and even threw up right before we left. that was pretty terrible, especially since i had been fasting and had almost nothing to throw up. once we got to the hospital, there was lots of waiting around. i started to lose it once they wheeled me down to the OR. i asked my dr if justin could come in there and be with me during the 30 minutes they take to do all the prep/spinal block. unfortunately she said no because of the liability and way other dad's have fainted during that time. so i endured alone and cried and cried. i was a wreck during the surgery. it's so scary and you feel so many different emotions, as one probably does during a vaginal delivery. i cried and cried. the anesthesiologist almost gave me a sedative but i didn't want it. luckily the actual surgery goes pretty quickly. the last two times i felt a ton of tugging and pulling. this time it felt like someone had a super powerful vacuum on my belly button and was trying to suck me out. griffin was born at 8:55am and the dr even put him over the tent so i could see him in his icky, goo glory [which i'd never had before]. they took a long time to clean him up [during which he peed on them] then put him on my chest. last time i got him right away for a few minutes but this time i had him for quite a bit. it was almost too long because i get incredibly sleepy and tired after the surgery so i was almost afraid i might drop him. he had an apgar score of 9 both times and came out screaming like a banshee. i was honestly terrified i had given birth to another landon but he hasn't screamed like that since the OR. once back in room, the nurse cleaned him up and let him nurse. he instantly latched on but more latched and napped then latched and ate. i think he looks like porter but has lighter eyes, but they will no doubt turn brown in time.

justin got to hold him after me and then my mom. griffin is so sweet and hardly makes a peep. during that two hour window before they take me out of the labor & delivery wing was boring. i felt super tired but couldn't fall asleep. once in the maternity wing, the real fun started. the narcotics from the spinal block make you incredibly itchy so i couldn't stop scratching my body. luckily my body from the boobs down were still numb. the nurses had me walk to the bathroom that first night which was good. i've been up and about several times since- that helps with the recovery a ton. griffin seems to be doing better then my other babies. no jaundice, he only lost 8oz [6% of his body weight] the first night and then 4oz more the second, nursing and sleeping well. i have to wake him up to eat and even then he'll mostly latch on to sleep. he squeaks a bit but wouldn't take a pacifier. he's a sweet little boy.

my mom has been helping out with the boys and taking turns with me- the same with justin's mom. justin sleeps at the hospital with me because i physically can't take care of the baby [or myself] yet but that's hard to do. the chair/bed is terribly uncomfortable and while i have the baby endorphins to keep me alert and able to wake up every hour or so, he does not have those same chemicals churning about. thankfully our moms have let him tap out once a day to get some rest/a break. justin's dad & his girlfriend came to visit us on day one, as did my brother, his girlfriend and my peanut.

i've been really afraid for porter's sake with this whole ordeal. there's been a lot of changes lately and with his burst ear drum, i was afraid he wouldn't take me being gone very well. thankfully he has been great! he's been great about being with my mom/teryl, hasn't whined for me, and been a happy guy. landon has been so excited to meet griffin. they came over that afternoon and we had a birth day celebration for griffin- complete with the happy birthday song and cupcakes. landon's wanted to hold griffin a lot and give him love. porter barely notices him and is a bit confused when i call griffin his brother. heavenly father has blessed me in multiple ways these past couples days!

*read about landon's birth story and porter's here*