mel's meanderings: first - second - third

first kid: we were so excited - and everyone was excited for us! some people told us to wait longer but they knew we wouldn't. the pregnancy was practically a breeze- it was all so new and different that every little twinge and ache was noted and told to my midwife. i read 'what to expect when you're expecting' and was terrified i was going to give birth to a sea monkey. i was working so i was somewhat preoccupied. i walked often and watched what i ate. people rubbed my belly and often commented on my glow. it was all so magical and exciting. the birth was the worst but i had tons of visitors and gifts at the hospital. landon was pretty much the worst baby in the world but there were lots of people to come visit him. i got a butt load of gifts and felt so loved. everyone was so happy that we expanded our family and pushed us to have more. but with landon's terrible temperament, we couldn't even imagine more. people lined up to babysit the world's worst baby and we happily let them.

second kid: getting pregnant the second time took a bit longer then we thought so we were so happy to find out. our family was excited for us and friends were too. pregnancy was a bit harder. i was more nauseous, i couldn't sleep as much or sit down as much as i wanted. i felt giant and i gained a ton of weight. i got waited on less. getting alone time was harder. people were so excited for us to have another kid, but a bit disappointed that it was another boy. no one visited me in the hospital, not even some family members. porter was a godsend as a baby and the adjustment was hard, but only due to more postpartum depression. no more really gave gifts, but my friends did throw me an impromptu diaper shower, to which i was so grateful. i got a tons of meals from friends, because i finally had friends. it took 6 months but having two kids wasn't that hard of an adjustment. finding people to babysit two kids was a constant struggle, but at least once a month we got away. people didn't ask us for more kids because they didn't want us to have more kids.

third kid: we knew we didn't want to wait as long with this kid as we did between the first two but it was still a surprise. happiness over our conception was at a minimum. in fact, i felt almost afraid to tell people we were pregnant because of some hurt feelings. i felt even more sick and was convinced it was a girl. when it wasn't, even more people were disappointed in us. helping the pregnant lady is at an all-time low because there's no sympathy for people who put themselves in these kind of situations. in fact, the pregnancy and birth is coming at a pretty inconvenient time for some people. i look exhausted, giant and tired - because i am - and strangers aren't afraid of pointing that out. or pointing out the fact that i am going to have my hands full with the two babies so close together. and babysitters are actually fleeing from me to avoid having to help watch my kids.* i imagine the birth will be quite a quiet affair, seeing as how the second one had less fan fair. not that i need it- i don't want balloons & flowers, but someone helping out with my kids would be nice*. i bet some ladies in my ward will be kind & drop off diapers/meals.
*granted, not everyone has been terrible. i've had a few friends nearby who have been helpful and my family is great, but they are so far away.

it's really been getting to me how people really don't celebrate having more then 2 kids but you know what, that's fine. i don't have kids for the presents or attentions but a little shared joy wouldn't hurt anyone. it's not like i'm going to abort this child because you disapprove of my life choices. it just disappoints and saddens me. i was child #6! imagine what people said to my mom. when i call my mom [often] and cry, she humbles me by reminding me how hard it was for her. and then i get mad that she won't let me wallow in self-pity but hey, its what i need. i love my children, they are my greatest joy and i wouldn't miss out on them for the world. and ya, i am going to be depressed and tired and grumpy and overwhelmed and everything under the sun for 6 months, but then i'll get a hold on life and things will get better. i read an article once by a lady with 6 kids. she said how she was super overwhelmed by one kid, then got used to it. then she had another and the same thing happened. she would look at others with their gaggle of children and not understand how they did it. it's not like you automatically know how to handle your children, you just learn and adjust. i just wish that our society could stop demonizing children/large families and recognize what they really are- a blessing.

mel's meanderings: all us tiger moms

it's been a while since i've done a mel's meandering but let me tell you, the subject has been a long time coming. here it comes guys, the confession. i am a judger. and i am teetering on the verge of becoming a tiger mom.

tiger mom: a mother who is strict in order to make sure her child will be competitive academically. so basically a mom who pushes her kids to be the best

i've had a bunch of thoughts in my head, all around this notice of competition among mothers. and it started with the new school year but has roots that go way back. back to september 2011. i think it's natural to want you kid to be the biggest, fastest, strongest, smartest, and most likable. no one wants their kid to fail, to be ostracised, or be left behind, but it's gotten a bit out of hand in our day and age. i knew i wanted to put landon in a preschool environment. not for the academic side, but because he is a social kid who likes to be around other kids and learn. my mom couldn't believe i was starting him so young- he's only 2 [his birthday is the last day for the allotted school year, so he'll either be the very youngest you can be in class, or one of the oldest]. back in the day, you didn't go to preschool until the year before kindergarten. we've done a lot of mommy and me classes but landon was ready for the next step. i signed him up for a quick 45 minute preschool class. i feel like it's a great introduction to a school environment but it doesn't push him too much.

during the past few months when i've been thinking about school and working with landon on his shapes, numbers, letters, etc- i've had several conversations with my friends about this; where their kids are at, what works for them, an exchanging of ideas. and in these conversations, the tiger moms are out in full force. i don't think it's done maliciously at all. everyone is just extremely proud of their kids and think they are the smartest. and you know what? they are! every one of these kids excel at one or two things and that's amazing! it's quite evident where an individuals strengths and weaknesses are. but along with these conversations, i've felt major anxiety that landon [and me! because it's my responsibility] isn't measuring up to where his friends are. he doesn't recognize alphabet letters! he doesn't know sounds! he can't write his name! in some ways, i'm glad to know where his friends are at and what we need to work on, but i need to stop comparing landon to other kids. he is so social and a great communicator. he has a fantastic vocabulary and enjoys doing physical things. so what if he can't remember the name of the letter a? he will.

i have a friend on facebook who recently said in her status 'i love sharing in other people's joy'. i absolutely love that! because sometimes i don't. that's the human in me i guess. not that i'm hating on everyone, but deep down i think thoughts that aren't the kindest. why does that girl always look fabulous on instagram? why can't i go camping with my family in a giant rv? i want to go to hawaii! my baby isn't crawling yet! i wish my husband was done with school. these thoughts are poison, yet even worse is when i find myself criticizing people for their blessings and choices. she's not a good mother- always having a babysitter. well that's not setting a good example to others. how can you watch that tv show?! it's got sex/drugs/rock and roll. i am so quick to point out others flaws and ignore mine. and believe me, i have plenty. judging is a hard sin for me to overcome but i am really trying not to. i want to get to that point where i can share in someones joy and not feel the urge to judge them.

i think, for the most part, everyone is doing the best that they can. they have struggles that they don't put on their news feeds or they are dealing with demons in their home. they also have blessing that i don't have- and that's good. now i just need to resist the urge to throw landon into some hard core tutoring and just let him enjoy being a kid. because it is over too quickly.

mel's meanderings: working in groups

welcome to another episode of mel's meanderings: where i go all crotchety and cranky- and you eagerly embrace my inner andy rooney. it's wonderful really. 

remember in school when you'd have to do group projects? in elementary or junior high, you couldn't wait to work with your friends- sounded like such a cool idea! until you got to high school and really wanted a good grade and no one else wanted to do any work? story of my life people. i hate hate hated group projects. i can't tell you how many a's i've gotten people- you're welcome! i'm the bossy overachiever in groups who'd tattle to the teacher [only sometimes....really] when someone wasn't pulling their weight. group projects were just the worst. even in college, i didn't understand what our teachers were trying to teach us with this. didn't they realize it benefits no one but you [having to grade less projects]? selfish selfish teachers.

so now i'm gainfully unemployed and loving it- i'm done with teamwork [if you don't call parenting teamwork. which i don't. more like partnering life sentences]. i'm the queen of my domain and i call the shots.

except when you have a church calling.

i love the church and i'm the whole mormon package but man, sometimes these callings will make you want to poke your eyeballs out with a fork. my mom taught me that you don't decline a calling [fine with me. i can handle primary for a year] but sometimes it's physically impossible to do it all  yourself like you did once upon a time in groups.

now this is a hypothetical scenario. purely fiction. but say there's this girl- beautiful. awesome. giant boobies. she's great. and she's in charge of the ward christmas party which was something that terrified her [read my last post??] but excited her as well! this girl is quite the leader and loves to boss people around. she assembled a bang up group of gals with whom she all knew so no problems in sight. everyone seemed so excited to help. then they didn't. well, one didn't. then completely failed two weeks in a row to do simple things. the same week the said wonderful girl was not only called up to speak in sacrament, teach 5 year olds, then lead music and play the piano in primary- all while wrangling a toddler.

seriously people, we are not in school anymore. this is real life- buck up and DO what you say you will. honestly, i respect people more who tell me honestly what they can/can't do then those that promise big then disappoint. sorry mom, but i think if i get called to do the ward christmas party again i'll decline. people are selfish with their time and talents- one person can not do it all. so stop expecting me to.

ehh.... stop expecting that awesome girl who isn't me to do.

mel's meanderings: oh NO you didn't [finger snaps!]

welcome to another wonderful round of mel's meanderings- where i become a crotchety old woman and complain about things that bug me. or piss me off. or i just don't like. it's the andy rooney in me, what can i say?

so a few weeks ago we were hanging out with some friends and one of the friends [who was already on thin ice with me] was just complaining mentioning oh-so-loudly-and-often that landon was a bad kid. he's fussy, he can't sit still, he constantly needs to touch everything and be in everything and screams so loudly when we're out that people are always looking at us. was he right? yes. had i said the same things before? hello! was this mama bear about to take him talking about my little pudgy pie that way? i don't think so! [notice the bold, italics and underlining? that means i'm serious]. this person was a repeat offender when it comes to landon-bashing. it's one thing for his tired mother whose with him 24-7 to complain that he's not an easy kid but it def wasn't this guys! he doesn't have kids, so i know he doesn't understand. and when the day comes that he will, it will be a huge eye-opener but i've had my fill with it.

we chose to bring a baby into the world and it was the best decision ever. has it been easy? hardly, but we don't regret it. do we wish we could go out at 10pm to see the latest liam neeson movie? well, maybe not the 10pm party but of course. doesn't mean you need to bring up impossible things we couldn't possibly do all. the. time. or make us feel like our kid is the biggest drag in the universe.

this ignorance isn't his fault really- once he gets married and has kids, he'll quickly learn. maybe it's our fault for being friends with people in differences places then us? it made me ponder some things. when you're single, you think married people are such a DRAG! they are all lovey dovey and are always together-- it's so annoying. when you're married, you can't understand why you're single pals don't understand that you're not a you anymore, you're an us- a package deal to most things [not all- ever sister needs her GNO]. when you don't have kids, you don't see what the big deal is- why can't you just a babysitter every weekend night? why can't the baby stay up past bedtime just this once? or even when you have one kid, you don't understand why your pals with several kiddos never come to hang out at parties or want to go visiting teaching or whatnot. my friend stoney so meanly but wisely said in college that once we got married, we wouldn't be friends anymore. i don't think she was completely accurate bc i still call her one of my bf but we don't talk hardly at all and see each other maybe 2x a year. i think a more accurate statement is 'you can't have the same friendship when you're in different places'- because you can't understand they're obligations and priorities. i don't want to leave landon every night- i don't want to mess up his routine - the second he's down for bed i want to be in my jammies, blogstalking and watching dawson's creek. and a single person doesn't want to be at home on a saturday night at 9pm like a loser. neither one is wrong, it's just different.

so where does that leave me and that person? i'll avoid him for a while- until he learns some manners. you know how you can complain and moan night & day about your stupid family but if someone else says something, you go into mama bear mode? that's because one earns the right to complain. and he knows nothing about my little stinker. who is a stinker, i'm not gonna lie but he's the cutest, most lovable stinker in the world and i wouldn't change him for anything.

ps- anyone notice i talked about friends last time? let's hope not all my friends read my blog and figure out i'm talking smack about them.

mel's meanderings: social butterflies & the extinction of friends

in case you don't know this, i'm pretty shy. naturally- really, i am. if you met my parents you'd understand. growing up we never went to ward parties, our parent's friends houses, or anything social whatsoever. my dad is anti-people and my mom slowly forgot how to socialize living with a man who despises the human race. and they lovingly passed that gene to their kids.

going into social situations always terrifies me. who do i talk to? what will i say? what if i awkwardly mention the thing i'm not supposed to but it's just staring me in the face? what if no one likes me? this phobia haunted me until high school and the process of mel slowly occurred. i figured out who i was and how to talk to people [the secret? get them to talk about themselves and act interested. don't worry, they are too occupied to even care about you]. since then, especially justin and i as a couple, love social situations. in fact, we love it. game nights? throw them almost every weekend. sport parties? i've got the dip. i realized recently, my brother is the same way- he has bbq's almost every weekend. but others in my family are still allergic to interactions with other people- and that's ok.

makes you wonder- nature vs nurture? welcome to another episode of mel's meanderings. where i become a crotchety old woman who complains about life and what is currently pissing me off.

either way - my point is people suck. really, you suck. some people really just get my goose - either by defriending me on fb [i thought we were friends - GOOD friends! but moving somehow changes that?] or by saying you're coming to our party but cancelling out at the last minute- over and over again. or by having kids and suddenly not needing friends anymore [good luck moving that body, buddy]. or always count on you to initiate conversations/social interactions. i don't get why people don't want friends? i'm not talking about the chronically anti-social. i have family like that and that's ok- that's your slice of cheese. i'm talking about people who appear to like social situations but are flaky or don't reciprocate or don't realize they hurt feelings by being inconsiderate.

honestly, i think there are few people who are friendly and welcoming and social naturally. they kind that are resilient to snubs but i am not one of them. i think it has something to do with age and situations in life. for example: high schoolers will do ANYTHING for their friends, no questions asked. college students will do ANYTHING for their friends, as long as it doesn't interfere with their love interest, homework, or video games. married people without kids will see you on select occasions as long as it doesn't interfere with their jobs, school, or mclovin. i realize interests change and available time significantly narrow with age/distance/obligations but it doesn't have to. everyone needs friends. i know that no matter what, i can call up my sister and talk about myself for 45 minutes and cackle together. i can email my bff8 and vent about people in a long-winded email and she'll do the same back to me-- in a week or so. does it really pain you that much to be a nice and considerate person?

so stop being pills people and be a good friend.
*oh and if you think i'm talking about you, i most likely am.

mel's meanderings: shut your trap mom-pants

no i don't get this reference--help?

it's my pleasure to bring you another episode of cranky old

mel's meanderings

this one brought to you by the good people of mom-jeans

no this post isn't about these awesome pantalones [what negative things could i say about them? really people- do you know me at all?] no i have an issue with the people inside those pants- moms. and sometimes not even moms. okay, know-it-alls when it comes to babies.

when kitty-cait was here last weekend we talked about how some people are The Worst and like to put their two cents in where its not needed or wanted. like devin when she told me i needed to put pants on landon. or when i told her to let thor listen to the blow dryer to calm down. [see people, i'm just as guilty] no one knows your child better than you do. whether you carried it for a kazillion months like i did or foster it like my sister- you know your kid so who is that bossy pants to tell you what to do. yes suggestions are appreciated-- like once a year per person. i remember maybe one month after a friend had her baby, she was already giving me advice [i was still large with child]--ok, no one is an expert at month one. and especially not an expert on things the baby needs when they are 6+ months old.

this has all come to fruition because some lameos have been really pissing me off lately-
yes i feed my child
no i don't want to know how you handled you're cranky baby- cranky is different than colic
yes he is skinny [which is def not in mine or justins genes but hey, its what landon is]
no i don't want you're voodoo drugs/herbs/pills/massage techniques that got your kid to poop
yes i know how to breastfeed and get my milk to come down. every boob is different, especially when you have to use certain hardware
yes he is happier sleeping in his carseat and it wont give him a flat head...but he does kinda have a big noggin so that wouldn't be too terrible
no i have not cut out dairy/chocolate/caffine/vegetables from my diet

see - alive and well. and adorable as ever

i especially hate it when people say "just let me know if you want this advice" or "let me know if i'm annoying you"- yes, the mere fact that you're speaking is annoying and did i ask you how you got your angel of a child to sleep at night? no. every kid is different. and if you don't even had a kid or had one like a quadrillion years ago, you have zero right to even be thinking you know what you're talking about [me pre-landon]. if i want to know what you think, i'll ask. or google it....ya i'll prob google it. you are like the annoying kids in class who constantly raise their hand then when aren't call on, just blurt out the answer [that was also me].

and just for the record, i have no clue what i'm doing. i'm continually worried that 50% of what i do is wrong but isn't that what the first kid is for? that's why they're the spoiled one- you have to make up for dropping them, running their heads into door frames, or failing to recognize they were teething and in pain.

don't worry, i have the same exact philosophy when it comes to cooking. just ask my mom. so shut it people. and take your judgmental eyes with you.

mel's meanderings - get a dictionary people

and welcome to another fine episode of

mel's meanderings

i am your cankerous host, mel. today we're going to be discussing the failing school systems and their inability to teach people the proper spelling of words. not that i'm any autumn zobrist mind you; i constantly misuse semi-colons, hyphens, and always spell alot as one word [much to the dismay of my former employers: in carson i babysat a baby a couple times and she got me deathly sick....different story. anyways her snobby parents complained to me how so many applicants spell alot as one word instead of the proper two and how they couldn't subject their 5 month old to that kind of ignorant behavior- seriously. a 5 month old. alot. a lot. seriously, i consider it slang. i know bizness isn't spell like that either but until autumn get's her grammar badge in the mail, i'm going to keep on truckin] . i don't pretend to be a genius but i do know the correct usage of words.

examples i've encountered this month:
cuttle as in "i want to cuddle my child"


idle as in "nobody speaks to billy idol that way because he is my idol"


a-wall as in "my underwear has gone awol- have you seen it cute next door neighbor? it's a teeny g-string that fits over my large rump"


accept as in "yes i love all things pop except the divine miss m as in madonna, not bette midler, jessica stoneman"


your as in "you're going to get in alot [there i go again!] of trouble when grandma finds out that you ate the last pie of cherry pie"

now i can understand not using then/than right or even affect/effect but people, come on. don't worry, i'm not as holier then thou as i appear. i cannot for the life of me say 'placate' right- and when i find myself wanting to use it in conversation, i usually find another word because i can never remember how to say it right.

and if you are a repeat offender, don't be discouraged. you and fox mulder are not alone.

and that's been another fine episode of

mel's meanderings. 

brought to you by the fine people of chocolate aka the thing i'm not allowed to eat anymore due to the fact i makes my baby cranky thus making me cranky- can't you tell?

adeui mr. scrooge - mel's meanderings

did you hear the scuttle? andy rooney died. not really, but his segment on 60 minutes did and i'm quite heartbroken. as the world's foremost curmudgeon and my person idol, i couldn't think of a single greater tragedy. maybe the world-wide banning of wham! albums. or if bejayz's baby was ugly.

in case you aren't over the age of 35 or live at home with your parents like the cool kids do [i hear], andy rooney is a living legend. *fun fact: the band rooney is named after him. this is not really true- they are named after principal rooney from 'ferris bueller's day off' but i'd like to dream. basically what he would do at the end of the broadcast [typical- always saving the best for last. that's what heavenly father did with me in my fam] is grumble and grouse about whatever was getting his goat that week [i thesaurus 'week' to find a synonym that started with g but alas, my websters is not a rap dictionary]. so in essence, andy had justin's dream job.

i really would look forward to his weekly gripes each week- he had such a humorous way to complain about life yet offer a nugget to think about at the end. andy never really asked my opinion on some topical things that bother me so i thought i could use this as my submission to CBS for andy's spot. i'll call it:

mel's meanderings

*this segment is will also be routinely referred to as my 'list'- as in 'you are on my list'. read: this is not a good thing

remember when i wrote this? i was suffering from a severe case of bangatosis and needed to write future-mel to ensure that i would never again massacre my locks in a momentary lapse of judgement. i think the time has come for me to write myself another letter my friends.

a few months ago i noted [on my blog? in an email to caitlin? who knows] that new mothers have a tendency to chop off all their locks and i called them insane. their hair was gorg before and they totally screwed the pooch by going for the shorter locks. then what did i do once i came home from carson? i preemptively shortened my hair [it was partly due to a miscommunication but still my mistake] and i am regretting it to the day. everyone said prenatals made your hair repunzel status but alas, mine did not. i swear the growth has gone dormant. either way, i want my hair back more then i'd like to see posh, baby, scary, and sporty get back together.

so what's a gal to do? envy. dream. lust. my hair really has been my pride and joy- when i feel and look like death, at least i can do my hair and look respectable. i seemed to hit my hair peak my first year of marriage. i fell in love with updos and i really found my groove- lately...not so much. i spend most of my day in pajamas [partly out of necessity, partly because i'm a big ball of laziness] but when justin comes home, i like to fancy it up a bit but lately, my hair has been lacking. i'm in need of a rejuvenation. i've noticed just like pantene promises, i am a new woman when my hair is silky and smooth. it's better then a push-up bra, mostly because a push-up bra would cause me to suffocate.

so until then people, you need to be my support system. maybe i should start a fb page where other girls who suffer from their own boredom could bolster each other up. remind me of felicity's long lost locks or bieber's bangs [may they rest in peace]. people, be my bra.

and that was

mel's meandering

brought to you by the fine people of 7-11

**in case you work for geico and live under a rock, check out these fine rooney specials. it could save you 50% or more on car insurance. or it could just make you smirk- either or**