a baby story

wowzers- where to start? i am so exhausted/beat-up/elated/tired/blissfully complete right now- basically a human potpourri of emotions. i debated on whether or not to share landon's birth story but thankfully, the over sharing mel won. so here's the whole enchilada- mostly because if i write it here, i only have to tell/write it once as opposed to doing it numerous times on the phone/text/email/journal. so enjoy folks and sorry in advance for the tmi- i used to say 'don't go there' but that's just lame.

as you could tell from my last post, i was getting ridiculously anxious for landon to come come my due date. the week before my due date my midwife stripped my membranes [painful, oh so painful, and proved to be pointless] then the week of my due date inserted a foley balloon [PAINFUL! OH SO PAINFUL! and once again, proved to be pointless] which i took out the night before my induction. i couldn't sleep the night before bc i was so anxious! we got to the hospital thursday [9/29/11] at 6am. i ate some oatmeal but wasn't quite full so i had my mom bring bagels later. i got pitocin around 8:30am but wasn't in too much pain until around noon, then it got almost unbearable. but by that time, i was STARVING! and quite grumpy from it. [warning: justin's favorite part is coming up...] around this time, i got the bright idea that since i was only allowed ice chips, jolly ranchers might be ok. my nurse couldn't give the ok but i gave myself the ok so i told justin i wanted them, NOW. he told me no, flat out. so i looked him in the eye then just started BAWLING- like top of my lungs, hysterical crying. justin and my mom started laughing, thinking i was just kidding. oh no, i was not and was a wreck. i just kept screaming "I WANT THE JOLLY RANCHER!! I WANT IT NOW!". eventually i calmed down and my midwife gave the ok so my brother ran and got them for me stat. i guess they were all truly afraid for their lives [rightfully so]. i also got to have some slurpee before the epidural which was a godsend but justin wouldn't let me chug it- still sour over that. the worst part of labor was:
1- the contractions
2- the iv's [they did mine in 5 different spots because i had retard nurses- got horrible bruises to show for them] 
3- the blood pressure cuff that would go off every 2 minutes. at one point it was squeezing so much and so often it turned my hand purple mid-contraction and i screamed at the top of my lungs "RIP IT OFF! RIP IT OFF!"-people down the hall ran in terror. i had a hate-hate relationship with the iv/cuff the whole time. hated those things.

so come 2pm i was in pain and was done so i told my midwife i wanted the epidural [i was at a 4 by then- so moving quite slowly]. well that drug man took his sweet time and got me an hour and a half later- by that time i was SCREAMING in pain. imagine someone taking a jackhammer to your spine every 2-4 minutes; it was horrible. and to make it worse, my annoying loving mother kept telling me during the contraction "melissa, breathe in my face. sing me a song". wanted to punch the broad [which i can say honestly bc i love my mother and am grateful for her-- but ya she was buggin]. i was still on pitocin so the contractions were hard and coming in every 2 minutes. eventually mr. drug man came and stabbed my spine with his sweet, sweet deliverance [twss]. then i became a human vegetable. everyone told me you don't feel anything from the waist down but you don't lose feeling, you lose EVERYTHING. i couldn't wiggle my toes or move at all, so that was all sorts of awkward when they had to come check or take care of my lady bizness. thankfully by this time all my pride and dignity was long gone. it wasn't like i was numb, it was like my 2/3rd of my body had fallen asleep [like your arm does when you lay on it wrong so it was tingly but painfully tingle. justin lovingly offered to rub my feet but any touch was painful. so i consider the epidural and contractions a trade-off of pains, but yes, get the drugs people- get the drugs. [i still felt pressure and some pain but not the same kind of contraction pain]

so about six hours on the epidural i was not progressing like one should. this is when my midwife said i needed to consider the possibility of an c section- cue the tears. i had never taken a childbirth ed class [too expensive- the only one we could afford we had been wait-listed for 2 months] but had read a lot but when it came to that section, i just skipped over it. landon was in the right position for so long and i thought most people elect for c-sections [like celebs or the pretty ladies of the world who'd prefer a scar to natural] so i skipped those parts. well my midwife filled me in and i was still scared/terrified. cue my amazing husband- he helped ease my fears and gave me a priesthood blessing which calmed me down [i am so incredibly grateful that i married a man who honors his priesthood and lives worthy to give me a blessing any time, any place. this was the 2nd blessing of the day] and gave me the comfort that things would be ok. i also realized i would be able to avoid the post-baby-bladder-leakage problem most ladies get [practically the only silver lining]. so an hour later, justin was suited up in a painters outfit and they wheeled me into the room to prep. i was all alone in there for 20 minutes while they were getting things ready. so i just laid there, crucifix style and just cried and cried. i was so scared, especially for landon [not only had i failed to progress past a 7 but he had gone transverse on me]. luckily he had not gone into distress yet but it could happen at any time. eventually they let justin in and he held my hand which is all a girl could ask for.

i'll try to avoid gory bits but i felt  a lot of tugging [A LOT- like my head was bobbing about like a fish] and pulling, some pressure. it was terrifying but my surgeon worked fast and my midwife was in there with me. eventually he asked if justin wanted to stand up and take a pic because landon was coming out. then i felt someone pushing down on my tummy from the top [like a tube of toothpaste - so josh did have something right - see last post to understand] then out he came and i heard that beautiful little scream of a terrified newborn. justin got a picture and showed me [sorry, too graphic and personal for the world]. i couldn't see much because of my said position. justin later told me that someone was literally standing over me, butt to my face, pushing on me and my guts were laid out on my stomach. should have got a pic of that for our christmas card. they whisked landon to the side to work on him- we were both bawling. i could only see a little hand flail every once in a while. justin got to cut the cord and they announced our little snuggle bunny was 9lb 1 oz, 21 inches. my midwife gasped- she said she could have SWORN he was 7 1/2- 8 lbs MAX- def not that big or that long. eventually they took him back to our room and justin went with him and i was there alone for an hour while they fixed me back up. this was the hardest hour of my life. i just laid there, completely oblivious to the world around me, crying and saying "i want my baby....i want my baby". heartbreaking right?

eventually i was able to go back to my room and hold onto my little baby. once i held him, it changed my life. he has gotten my heart and soul. he is precious beyond words and i love him oh so much. the rest of the time in the hospital was a blur- we had some many visitors and people who love us and support us; it's been so wonderful. i just hope you are ready for the picture overload along with the massive blog post overload.

life post-baby has been quite the adjustment- we've had some scares [landon lost more then 10% of his body weight so we've had to supplement for a few days and monitor his weight] but a lot of highs. breastfeeding is no walk in the park and sleeping 4 hrs a night is an adjustment but somehow, i'm not dead tired [running on mommy hormones i guess]. my body feels like it has been hit by a mack truck so the recovery from the c-section will take some time. there's pain, lots and lots of pain but luckily, i've been paid a visit by the candy-man.  my movements have been extremely limited [can't bend over, lift anything heavy, or get up or walk too fast] and justin has just been amazing at helping me.

everyone always said that you're heart would grow 5x grinch-style once you hold your baby which is so true but i never realized how much my love for justin would grow. in the hospital and even at home, he's washed me, fed me, catered to my every need. he has literally seen every inch of me in the worst possible light possible and still loves me. his kindness, gentleness, and love has been extraordinary. i couldn't imagine having survived the last week without him. i am so thankful i married that man and that we get to spend our eternities together.


having had landon general conference weekend, i missed all the talks to when i am up feeding late at night i've tried to catch up on the talks from our general authorities. this morning i listened to elder neil l andersen's talk and it spoke to my soul. my favorite quote was this, quoting a non-LDS, Christian blogger:

Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.

when we decided to get married, a lot of people told me we were making the wrong choice, that we should wait until we had graduated, careers, and money. same thing when we got pregnant- for the first 4 months of my pregnancy we were both jobless, insurance-less, and homeless but we knew we were making the right decision. in the past month we have been blessed beyond measure- not just materially but physically and spiritually. landon is the greatest gift we've been given, second only to our love for each other.


sorry for getting all sappy- promise it won't happen again...except it might. these hormones have me on a roller coaster of craziness, that's for sure. want to know how landon felt about all this? read it here.

and since it's taken me more then a week to write this, i am also working on his one week update so keep   stalking us!