Saturday, September 24, 2011

pregnancy update: HE IS NEVER COMING OUT!

weekage: 40 weeks and hating it

poundage lost then gained again: i was down 4 lbs- which is SUPPOSED to mean i was about to pop. lies. this week i had gained 3" on my tummy and up 3 basically he's growing instead of leaving- i wonder where he gets his stubbornness from.

current 'tude: bitterness. seriously, everyone and their mother told me that i need to pick a pediatrician by week 30, make sure i have packed my hospital bag by week 35, and definitely should accept that this baby is coming by week 38 - well ya'l are a big fat group of liars because he is NEVER coming out. i have finally packed my bag [twice], packed justin a bag [dudes gonna need some necessities too. his idea? a change of underwear. my suggestions? computer, textbooks, snacks, dvds....], picked a pediatrician, installed the car seat base, installed the window shades, arranged his room, took the tools out of his room [but the air compressor has to stay- it's not like he's gonna come out walking..oh wait he just MIGHT]. i've done everything you can do to prepare for this little booger and he refuses to budge!! so ya... i'm a tad bitter. i better not be one of those ladies that come 2 weeks late.
see - i've run out of apts!

remember when: remember when i wanted this baby in me as long as possible? ya, seemed like an eternity ago but in reality, it was a week from saturday [when i started having REAL labor and i was convinced he was coming--but i willed him to stay in]. well ever since then, i just want this baby out! so far, i've gone through these phases
1- denial
2- acceptance
3- anger
4- ennui [fyi- it took me MONTHS to figure out how to spell that]
first i didn't want to have him because i wasn't ready- then i was ready. then my lovely well-meaning family and friends started bombarding me with phone calls/texts/emails/fb/twitter/smoke signals asking when i was gonna have him [like it's a choice?]- "he needs to come soon" and "so excited to see him"- i know ya'll mean well and i appreciate the love and concern but seriously- STOP! i am going CRAZY here! well then today, that anger has slowly turned into ennui.

both weren't for me-- but they
easily could have been

things i've tried so far to get this pigeon to fly the nest:
-squats [not too terrible- i am so out of shape]
-pushing down on my belly [as my brother put it: 'push on her belly like she was a tube of toothpaste and landon will just pop out']
-OD on caffeine--not that slurpees really affect him but sure make me feel better
-dancing to "ice ice baby" [i have a video--but am quite reluctant to let people see how uncoordinated i truly am]
-walks [some hills slow me down considerably but justin likes to walk slightly ahead of me, daring me to catch up. think horse and carrot]
acupuncture - thank you youtube
-poking [doesn't seem to be working - just aggravates him more]
-bribing him [def doesn't work- life doesn't get much better for him then it is now]
-spicy [as spicy as i'll get] death taco- just gave me heartburn
-acupuncture - as done by leslie [can't say no to foot massages, even when they do nothing]
-massage [just put him and me to sleep]
-taking the stairs ---very, very, very slowly [reminds me i'm out of shape]
-singing him out [he loves my voice! even if i don't have a theme song yet like jess]
-annoyingness, in general [well, justin's tired of it...]
-caster oil- yuckkkk [my dr said 2-4oz, justin only wanted me to try 1TBS to avoid above-noted annoyingness. it was death but didn't really work, even at making me poop {caster oil is a laxative}, not that i have problems with that anyways-tmi. i used to say 'don't go there' but that's just lame]
-strip my membranes [EVERYONE said it was the worst. and it was the worst, but checking to see if you're dilated is the worst to begin with, so stripping was just icing on the cake of horribleness. just tons of pressure, like i had to pee. painful, but you forget about it soon after. like waxing]

what i'm looking forward to this week: well, i'm not gonna say birth bc i've come to accept that this little boy will never leave. so instead, i'm excited to make these adorable and easy-peasy little boy ties...for the child that will never come.

what i'm not looking forward to this week: the millions of people asking me when i'm going to go and offering their unsolicited advice. i know people mean well, but telling me 'oh you're not gonna go anytime soon- you haven't even dropped!' or 'dang girl, when are you due? yesterday?' are not helping. neither is telling me how crazy i am to get an epidural/not have one, what you're take on breastfeeding in public is, or how sex is different. back it up people- BACK. IT. UP. [can you sense the above mentioned anger??]

sigh---- anyone have any other suggestions for me??

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Kari said...

The only suggestions I can think of are pretty graphic but most people swear by ..drum roll...
and nipple stimulation.
With my son, I REALLY wanted him born on a certain day and neither of those things worked.
But who knows lots of people have had success.
If you do the second suggestion read up on it online because there's a certain way to do it.
Also, I'm sorry. I can totally empathize. With my daughter I worked ON my due date.
Hang in there. Your days and possibly hours are numbered.
Congrats and good luck!

Tami said...

Oh man Mel, that is the worst! Blake was stubborn too and it is not fun. Good luck though!

Autumn Z said...

Honestly after that post, I'm scared to give you suggestions. :) Hang in there. We are praying for you and thinking of you. We love you lots!!

KinderTeach said...

So during Kindergarten testing I go out to talk to a Mom and she is breast feeding in front of me. I was ok with it till she pulls the kid off and her boob is all exposed, at school, in front of a glass door for all the kiddos to see

Sam and Caitlin Tappana said...

Ya...I guess no more advice from me! :) But I hope Landon comes out soon. Me and Abby are anxious. Actually, Sam is too. He's asked me every day this week if you've had him yet.

Tim and Ashley Tappana said...

Well...after reading your posts...I don't want to annoy you with too many suggestions on how to make your little man come. However, I went the full forty weeks with my Emmy and I totally know how you feel. I actually had a lady tell me on my due date that her daughter was in labor that very minute. Thanks lady...that really made my day! But trust me, he'll get here before you know it, and then you'll be looking back over the last 40 weeks and think to yourself how fast it really went and how perfect your little man is.
P.S. - sex didn't work for us either. In was WAY to awkward and not worth the effort if you ask me :). Eat a bunch of pineapple. I did that the day before I had my daughter. Although, they induced me because my blood pressure was sky high...but who knows, maybe it will work for you too! Good luck!

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