censorship on bookface please

i'm a conservative gal with a liberal streak. when my rs president found out that i voted reid, she said 'oh well, it's nice to know that even you aren't perfect'- haha. oh sillyness. to define my level, when it came to the 'rory curtain', i was on the con-side of life.

Jess: Nice picture.
Rory: (sarcastically) Gee, thanks.
Jess: You're very popular right now. I bet if you burn a few books, they'll probably make you mayor.
Rory: This is ridiculous.
Jess: I don't know, bet you have a lot of supporters on this. Pat Buchanon, Jerry Falwell, Kathie Lee Gifford.
Rory: (annoyed) Bye.
Jess: Aw, come on, it's a little funny.
Rory: No, being the poster girl for censorship is not a little funny. The only videos not behind that curtain are Bambi and Dumbo. I mean, they actually had a meeting earlier about whether or not Babe should be behind the curtain so as not to offend people who keep kosher!
Jess: It's a crazy world we live in.

(episode: "richard in star's hollow, season 2)

so basically, i believe in the freedom of speech but even those crazies need a rag put in their mouth every once in a while. this morning while doing my routine fbsing (not a sin, might i add. you'll understand as you keep reading) i came across this article from the huffington post about what not to post on fb. sometimes, you have to censor yourself for your safety. here's their list:

• your profile on public search
• the layout of your home (guilty!)
• your risky behavior
• your child's name
• your vacation countdown
• your phone number
• confessionals
• inappropriate photos
• your short & long trips away from home
• home address
• mother's maiden name
• your birth date and place

obviously, these things are to protect you from all the bad guys but i am here to protect your rep. sooo many of us commit these sins of facebook and i am here to help guide you to a better life. your friends will thank me. i will thank me. and you will thank me, one day. don't worry, we are all human. censor yourself people. [steps have been taken to protect identities so don't worry. i'm not sharing your sins with the world].

#1- "it's complicated'' relationship status. seriously- why don't you just write "that skank cheated on me with my babies daddy and now we're going to couples counseling at the community center" in all-caps. that would be more  discrete. every time i see this it's like seeing a ticking time bomb til i see "johnny mcphearson is single" with a broken heart next to it.

    #1.a- please do not air your dirty laundry on facebook. i'm sorry your girlfriend left you and you just got fired and have h-i-r-p-e-e-s but come on! have some respect for the book that is face.

#2- complaining about work. someone i know suffered from this over share backlash recently. employers will fire you. or be super pissed at you. so tip- when you update your rant status, on the bottom right corner there's a lock key. update that to exclude people from work. i do this all the time.

#3- skanky myspace photos. seriously. don't.

#4- illegal or sinful behavior. why we are all proud that you can smoke a hookah while being upside down on a keg stand in just a bikini, we'd prefer not to see it. in every single photo album.

#5- your farmville/mafia wars/sorority obsession. learn how to delete posts and do this shameful game in private. if i have to hide the fact that i listen to david archuletta and hannah montana, you need to hide this.

#6- become fans of groups with ridiculously long name, OFTEN. why i commend the group for thinking of a witty and funny name, your friends don't want to see the thousands of groups you 'like'.

#7- a philosophical perspective on life every.stinkin.day. people will mock you. i mock you.

#8- liking your own status. thankfully, this was done in jest. but believe me, i know others that do it seriously.
#9- writing on someones wall, just because fb said you need to reconnect. and write "facebook told me to write on your wall so i did- lol". do not disrespected the 'lol' that way.
#10- becoming friends with someone you wouldn't even say hi to if you saw them in person.  i enjoy fbs-ing just as much as the psycho next to me in the library, but you've got to have some dignity.
#11- become apart of the sheep-group that post on their status "if you know a solider/mother/child/gang-banger/sous chef that has made a difference in you life, repost this status!". love your gang banger enough to post an original status about them. don't they deserve that?
#12- poke people. bears dont like it- why would i?
#13- tag a bazillino people in one single photo that has NOTHING to do with them. this happens to my monkey man all the time. i guess this memo hasn't gotten to uruguay yet.

#14- posting status updates. often. like more then 3x a day. if someone worries about you that much, then get a twitter account. no one wants to know your pooping or driving through filmore then driving through nephi then driving through logan...
#15- complain about fb. on fb. instead of updating your status, just walk away!



don't worry, i am quite as guilty as most of you. here's some of my fb sins.

#16- posting various quotes on friend's wall. weekly. i love the office and i'm not afraid to repost quotes.
#17- updating your status with something dramatic, but vague. i couldn't help it! i'm only human!

#18- commenting a gatrillion times on someones album/wall/etc. have the decency to delete those posts so no one knows your a creeper. i do. that's why there's no proof for this one.
#19- use so many inside jokes that no one is on the inside of that joke but you and your best friends that lives miles and miles away. i love inside jokes. i hope to be apart of one someday (sin #16 just committed).
#20- declare your love for your spouse or cat. i bet mr. husband appreciates the cutestsy comments on his wall [justin doesn't] or your girlfriends 'like' your status about the cute things your cat does, but try to keep these at a minimum. they tend to make the single or dog-loving variety ill.

i tried to end at 20, a nice round number but i had to put this last one...

#21- write about facebook on your blog. or shamelessly solicit views by posting it on fb.

guilty as charged