blog stalking: america's favorite past time

i've noticed that when i am bored at work [which if often- not that i don't enjoy what i do, i just get done with my buziness so fast i usually have loads of extra time. loads. darn me for being too efficient and awesome] i tend to blog stalk, but let's be honest- who doesn't? that's what you're doing right now right? i used to be a professional facebook stalker but that grew old because i realized, there are no new people and i already know everything i want to know about these peeps, which has lead me to be a professional bs-er [in more then one way].

i found this tidbit of wisdom on twitter the other day:

how true- people always write about the rockin things they do on fb [new jobs, babies, marriages, vacays---or like this one hs 'friend' of mine who i am convinced is dating a pimp, fo'real. and i say 'friend' loosely bc i honestly can't remember her but everyone else i know is friends with her so who am i to deny?] then on twitter complain about life--hello! so do i! look at my shining example:

**anyone noticed a reoccurring theme in my fb brags? one hint: oink oink

so it's confirmed- we all love to blogstalk but live in fear of being caught. i tend to bs people from hs: some i knew and were friends with, most i knew but were not friends with, some i didn't even know. some i follow publicly but most i don't. the other night i had a convo with justin that went something like this:

melissa: i got another follower on my blog today! now my number is up to x!
justin: wow. so there's more creepy people like you? x is not really a big number.
melissa: well most people follow privately because they don't want to be a creeper. i bet i have about (x)^4th fans.
justin: ya ok.

he's not the only one who makes fun of me for loving my blog and you know what 3LW said- 'haters gonna hate' [talk about a '90s flashback]. some of my friends blog stalk this person and this one, even though they don't know them. why? i don't know why, but i'm guilty of it too. the rockstar diaries is addicting bc the chick is gorgeous, super hip, and takes the funnest pictures. oh, and her blog is url-ed at taza and husband but her name is naomi--questionable. maybe i should pick a pseudonym--but i'm honestly not that cool yet. but if i did, i'd go with lola, ophelia, or fanny. if it's good enough for jennifer anistonapoulos, john bongiovi, or stanley kirk burrell, it's good enough for me.

so my point?? honestly don't have one, but isn't that the whole purpose of blogs? let's celebrate america's favorite past time by becoming a public follower of your favorite blog to stalk!

pregnancy update: baby bullet & puffy the whale

35 weeks

current weekage: 35 weeks [next week i'm considered full-term at 9 months!]

to remind everyone
that yes, i once was skinny
18 weeks

poundage gained: remember how the fluffy wic lady made me feel like a tub of lard? well i went back for an apt with the wic nutritionist and was not looking forward to it but alas, it got me out of work. well, all my fears were completley unjustified- the nutritionist was amazing! granted, i hated all my nutrition classes in college [having majored in exercise science, there were quite a number of them] but this lady was incredibly sweet. she started off by telling me i looked great and was carrying well then said i was right on track with my weight gain. eat that mean wic lady! my counsin recently had her baby and is smaller then she was pre-pregnancy so hopefully i have acquired those same genes.

food i'm oinking: well my little man just loves his slurpees- can't really blame him. they ARE awesome. the other day i downed a bag of chips in two days [and two sittings]. i've also been craving the sweets and still can't eat too much meat. this has become my new favorite website because it makes every day a 'national stuff-your-face-with-something-awesome day'.

how my life resembles a movie infomercials this month: i've noticed it's incredibly hard to bend these days. even just as simple as touching the floor or putting on shoes = the worst. when i shave my legs, i have to take a huge gulp of breath then go for it. so naturally, i'd benefit considerablly from the gopher! a late-night tv/grandma special! the other night justin threw me his empty waterbottle to throw it again, i missed in pure-caitlin fashion, then refused to pick it up. seriously! sometimes i don't think i'd make it back up again! then theres the other infomercial that i WISH resembled my life. have you heard of the baby bullet? it's almost as famous as it's informercial. check out seconds :33, :56, and 5:56- seriously, it's hilarious.


skinny girl i hate this month: anyone who wears a single-digit size. my sweet MIL bought me a pair of maternity capris [and my old navy shorts thank her for giving them more then a days rest between wears] in the same size of said-shorts. but much to my dismay, they wouldn't fit over my ever-expanding birthing hips. thank you nature. i guess my body is getting ready to push this baby out.

exercise regiment i'm doing: we try to go walking at night but alas, when you waddle and can only go about 3 blocks before you are doubling over from fake-labor pains [and having to pee], it's kinda hard to get too much in. but i am still adamant about take the stairs whenever i can and we do try to go on waddles together.

remember my beautiful ring? ya me neither. that's
as far as it will go [twss]

how being pregnant has benefited me this month: i got to cut in the slurpee line at 7-11. life doesn't get better then that.

thing i'm looking forward to this month: uhh...birth. i am excited for this baby to make his exit into the world but at the same time, i am avoiding it at all cost. i finally picked a pediatrician [thanks fb friends] but i can't really set up his nursery, hang up his clothes, finish getting all the stuff we need, or even packing my hopsital bag. speaking of which, i would GREATLY appreciate any advice from mothers on everything from breastfeeding, delivery, the first weeks home, ANYTHING! you know they have those suggestion cards at showers- but no one ever fills it out. so mothers of the world, give me what you've got. i am all ears belly.

my diabolic plan for the next 18 years: as i fb-stalk some old friends, it made me realize how quickly their chicklens are growing up. even my own babies [neice/nephews] are now hitting the 8 and 9 year old mark. hence, my diabolic plan to keep landon a little boy for-ev-ver [said in a 'the sandlot' fashion]. when i look at the relationship my brothers have with my mom or justin has with his, it made me realize that little boys eventually grow up and don't want their mother's kisses/hugs/smotherings anymore. they become too cool to even acknowledge you as you drop them off at lacrosse practice, then they get girlfriends, go on missions and get married and become completley dependent upon another woman! the NERVE! so to avoid my little boy even leaving me, i'm just not going to let him grow up. wish me luck! wow- when did i become one of those crazy moms who can't let go? landon's not even born yet!

and this has nothing to do with landon but i thought i'd share my numero uno pick for the fall 2011 tv season- 'whitney'! she's a comedian from 'chelsea lately' but her upcoming tv show looks awesome based purely upon these promo ads

 

here's some other tidbits of wisdom from the diva herself:

-50% of marriages end...in obesity

-women go through your cellphone because we care

-silent treatment is really more of a reward then a punishment

another gem that will most likely mimic my new life? up all night. i can't wait to tell justin

'body by nordic track'

but in reality, it'll more be like 'body brisk walks around the nieghborhood with the stroller'

i like 'em trashy

when it comes to anything trashy, i am there. want someone to help you steal pizza from an all-you-can-eat buffet? i've got the giant boho bag with ziplocs inside. need some red lipsticks to match your holey fishnets & stripper heels? have the pair off my 3-days of non-shaved legs. and when it comes to celebutaunt drama- i am your go-to-guru. so considering the source, i think it quite ironic i am hating on this weeks 'ok' magazine edition of all things paparrazi.

one friend so lovingly called me the queen of pop culture [not quite- but thank you. maybe next time you'd like to dub me 'princess of all things peculiar' or 'queen of awesome'? just some suggestions] and i'd like to live up to that name. as  your self-designated ruler of trash, i'd love to comment for a few minutes on the atrocities of this week's edition of gab. that being said, you don't read gems like 'ok', 'people', or 'star' hoping to get accurate information. you do it for the same reason i sometimes leave the blinds open when i get dress - it feels oh so good to know you're not alone [disclaimer for my husband: that's not true. disclaimer for my fans: it's so true].

first of all, i'd like to ask the audience some questions.
-do you have thick hair? [as a horse- thank you mom!]
-a round, full & wrinkle-free face? [yes. and some fancy occasion chin-hairs too- thanks mom]
-are your boobs a size c or bigger? [since 1999]
-have some extra fluff in your midsection? [since 1986]
-have some womanly curves on those bones of yours? [see above q]

well then congratulations! you're pregnant! it's actually quite nice for 'ok' to take the guesswork out of life. i have a good friend who is [better be] trying to conceive currently. so now i can just give her this simple quiz to find out if their attempts are working. who really has time to monitor your period or take a costly pregnant test? not me. that's why i buy my pregnancy tests at dollar store.l

and what's up with shiloh jolie-pitt? i remember when angelina [aka the tramp who broke up brannifer who i can't help but love] and brad pitt got pregnant. this baby was supposed to break all molds of beauty, which she is a cute little girl. but why does she dress like a little boy? i understand liking motorcycles or baggy pants, but come on! someone spread some pink glitter across her cheeks and sign her up for 'high school musical' camp! speaking of all things vane, why did r.pattison chop off his moppy-flop and turn it into this nast lopsided flop of ugliness? he has a reputation of edward cullen to uphold. and he is not making the cut.

in a related note of nastiness, what is mr. face tattoo doing to this poor pigeon? honestly, if i was gonna mack on a bird [disclaimer: i have], i wouldn't do it with a pidgeon. there's just so many prettier birds. may i suggest kevin from 'UP'- he is actually a she.

another thing that caught my eye was the big scuttle of 'should cities ban texting while walking?'. honestly, this is a very legit question. i have on more then once twice several occasions had some texccidents while being mobile. i've walked into lamp posts, AC units, fell off sidewalks and even got pregnant while texting [ put that on the side of a cell-phone and you'd see a defiantly decrease in texts at a high school football game]. but since i am my father's daughter, i'd never let the man take the freedom of looking like an idiot away from me. no mr. usama-obama. not today.

speaking of my desire to never be alone, read this reader's most stumping quandary.

really? the worst thing to you is the fact your boyfriend likes to be nude? don't you remember 'failure to launch's' naked room? i for one am all for au naturel moments in life. not that clothes don't serve it's purpose [ie. avoid awkward situations when your visiting teachers come over] in life but it never hurts to let the puppies fly, if you know what i mean.

 and this has been an episode of 'things i really did not want to know about mel's life'. until next week...good luck and good night.

my new obsession: picnik

ohemgee i have a new love. no, it's not flaming hot cheetos [gross] or elastic underpants [already got those]- it's a photo editing website called picnik! seriously- magic. and free magic. i read about it somewhere on my morning blogstalking and look what i've been able to come up with in an hour of non-working time.

imagine the possibilies! watch out world, melissa harrison is going to the next level of awesomeness. hold on to your trousers.

things to do before you pop out a spawn

so i've got 8 weeks left [so 8 months with child- which justin didn't believe me when i said that. it's true- divide 40 weeks/4weeks a month- that's 10 month pregnant] and i am feeling antsy.

side note:
did you know hamsters have a gestation period of 16 days?! cats are 63, whales are 360 and elephants are 624 days. so basically, by now i could have had 14 hamsters, 3 1/2 cat liters, and i'd be halfway through my whale-making process. talk about perspective.

made me realize, wow- we have 8 weeks until we're gonna have a BABY. like, in something that screams and poops and cries and eats and needs his butt wiped. thats a whole lot of adjustment for a self-proclaimed drama queen. a few months ago, i kept hoping landon would come earlier then my due date but now...i'd appreciate a little more time [but only because we are homeless]. a baby changes everything [people say] and there is still so much i want to do before he comes. thankfully i have a lot of friends that are babyless as of now so consider this my advice to you. and to the other suckers out there with their adorable, pudgy little people--know that we are just jealous and are trying to console ourselves because we are without that poopy accessory.

things to do before you have a baby

[  ] eat at swanky resturants that are not child friendly [unfortunatly for us, i have the taste buds of a 7 yr old]
[x] go on a fancy-schmancy, out of the country vacation
[i plead the 5th] have relations somewhere you shouldn't
[/] jump out of an airplane [that's a half-check mark. justin, the person afraid of heights, has while the height-enthusiast, me, has not]
[  ] stage-dive at a concert
[x] visit a sketchy mexican neighborhood where you're afraid they'll steal your rims or jump you for your payless kicks
[x] skinny dip - in a pool & an outdoor body of water
[  ] spring break in florida
[  ] go on a spontaneous trip somewhere you've never been
[x] visit denny's at midnight
[  ] buy season tickets to sporting event [justin is really trying to accomplish this one for unlv's basketball team but alas, his dumpy wife won't let him. he's thinking of starting a fb support group]
[x] stay up all night long - willingly
[  ] backpack through europe
[x] steal a sign from the road
[x] spend a whole day in bed doing nothing [clothing optional. company optional but encouraged]
[  ] follow a band/artist on tour through three different states [i'm coming for you mr. owl city]
[  ] see a natural birth [defiantly not going to do this one. i prefer to go in blissfully ignorant]
[x] wear too much lipstick & too much rogue, wear your clothes a little too tight, & just be a little trashy [reference anyone? shannon will get it]

as you can tell, i've got a busy schedule the next few weeks if i'm going to accomplish all of these goals. some may say 'hey mel, you should really pack your hospital bag or pick a pediatrician or find someplace for the baby to sleep or make a birth plan' but no, i like to live life on the edge.

plus what the heck is a birth plan anyways? i PLAN on having a baby - that else do you need really? i'm just going to pop this baby out, kick back and get some attention, then cruise to 7-11 and get myself a coke slurpee. what's the big dealio?

the worst two years & august blues

last sunday marked the twoiversary of justin's mission homecoming. how WEIRD is that? he has been home [now] longer then he was gone. sure doesn't feel that way. those two years were the worst for me and the best for him - okay, not completely true. missing him was the worst. in fact, after you get over

the worldwillneverberightagain-ihateboys-myheartwillnotgoon-beingsingleagain-thisistheworst feelings,

 i really had the best time. luckily my life sort of started over again by going away to school [for the first time, no one knew justin and no one knew meltin] and justin was able to have this amazing experience, serving and helping so many people come to know the gospel. his mission turned out to be the best thing he's ever done and the same thing for me. but it was the worst going through it. now i see so many missionary girls [ie: the suckers who wait for their men to come home] and i try to talk them out of it, but i know i'll have no such luck. success stories are few and far between [granted, caitlin & i were the exception- thanks for teaching us that 'he's just not that into you'] so it's better to enjoy your life one day at a time, not two years into the future.

how justin changed
-justin learned he could speak spanish. so those years of studying in school were really not for nothing [except they were. take that CCSD/UNLV- the church taught him a foreign language in 4 months, something you couldn't do in four years]. mrs. o'brien would be so proud.
-he found out he could eat anything. and i mean anything [dog, bugs, armadillo]. watch out burt the conqueror, he's coming after your job.
-he met many of his closest friends, including the boy our baby is named after [okay that's not true- but he was the first landon we both knew so we got the idea from there. in history books, i'm going to say i named him after michael landon from bonanza and little house on the prairie. or landon from 'a walk to remember'. or landon pigg the singer. or landon donovan the soccer player. take your pick]

as you can tell, i couldn't wait to lose this dead weight

how i changed
-i learned to move my left hip while dancing, a feat previously impossible for me. but i'm afraid i've started regressing again. discovered this at my last yoga session when the teacher started laughing at my attempts. talk about a self-esteem push for the giant whale in stretchy pants.
-accepted that yoga pants + sports bra do not make acceptable attire. except again, i've somehow regressed to this. now when i get home i'm lucky if i wear any clothes at all. it's this giant alien in me, causing me all sorts of discomfort, and let's be honest, it's in my blood to enjoy being naked.
-i discovered i could be funny. i've always been cynical but i discovered i could do it in a comical way that didn't make my mother cry anymore. who knew? not my brother. every time i see nate he is starstruck by my wit [that might be a slight exaggeration]. it's like he forgets, sees me, then discovers he likes hanging out with me or likes reading my blog. don't worry- justin just discovered this a few weeks ago and has already forgot.



look at the prettiest little girl
in the world! i'm such a proud
fairy-mother



in totally unrelated but on my mind news, i am seriously feeling some post-july, august blues. so far the summer has been so exciting, with an event each month- you know, something to get me through the 8-5. may we vacayed in san diego for lynsey's graduation, june justin came home and we saw my besties in cedar. july saw the birth of abbigale mae tappana and the death of the harry potter movies. and now august? blah- you've got nothing going for you. no baby showers, no baby, no house. it's just the worst. if august was something else, it'd be a scalding hot turd on a blanket of ants with voldemort feeding rotten yams to it while kicking kittens & updating it's facebook status every 2 minutes. that's how much i hate august.

i can't go on any trips [$] and even if i did, i can't stand too long without puffing up like a macy's day float and can't miss any work. i swear this baby has decided he doesn't want to cook any longer. not that i'm about to go into labor, he's just done growing. i swear i'm the same size i was a month ago! my baby showers are in september because heaven knows i'll be going stir-crazy then. it's just the worst. i'm feeling an incredible urge to kick, stomp, then lay on the ground kicking and screaming but alas, if i got down on the floor on my back, i'm about 83% sure i wouldn't be able to get back up again. yes, i've become a beetle.

worst. so fans, do the world and me a favor and do something awesome this month so i can blogstalk and live vicariously through you. please.

the case of the belly holes

i'm a huge fan of law & order, having seen special victims unit marathons on tnt several times but alas, even i can't solve this humdinger. i'm not one to pay too much attention to my clothing [must be due to the fact that my hippie dad often chose to forgo this social norm-thus raising his children to be naturalists (special sidenote: i googled a more fun & fancy way of saying nudists or naturalist and i came upon this- "q: what do you call people who like to walk around naked?" "a: freaks"- hahaaa. i didn't know stone liked to post on yahoo answers!)] but justin sure is. yes, i married that boy. the kind that never wore the same shirt twice in a school year. usually i'll just throw on whatever is on the floor [read: stretch pants & a sports bra] or looks best on me [read: stretch pants & a sports bra---i'd like to delusionally believe] but alas, justin is always very aware of what i put on this rockin, hard [bellied] body of mine. and lately he's been noticing my many holey shirts.


yes i did notice i spelt moly wrong, but moles are still prime suspect numero uno for the holes....so double jeopardy

how do these holes appear you ask? i have no idea. here's what i've been able to come up:

-i drop scissors on my tummy, cutting little holes in it. and i do this on every shirt i wear [level of plausibility: 3]
-bugs like the taste of my cloths/detergent [level of plausibility: 0, at least i'd like to think it's a 0]
-my clothing is cheap and can't deal with the extra stretching my midsection has done lately [level of plausibility: 2 or a 9: 2 because i got holes before i was pregnant and a 9 because i have stretch some of my clothes to the limit lately]
-my stomach is constantly rubbing up against unsmooth surfaces [justin's face when he's talking to landon...i wish. he doesn't really get that close. plus he's a smooth shaver] like counter tops or my jeans [level of plausibility: 1: what a lameo way to get holes in your shirts. plus what kind of surfaces do i encounter that are made of sand paper?]
-extraterrestrial beings like to take small, bite sized samples of my clothing near my bellybutton because that's where landon hangs out at [level of plausibility: 8]

personally, i side with my grandma hurst & her bubbles [meaning, i believe in aliens. plus that way the fault doesn't lie on me].

pregnancy update: and he shall be named...

30 weeks

current weekage: 30 weeks [7 months]

25 weeks

thoughts about weight gain: i've always been a fluffy gal [as my grandma calls it] and i've been okay with that. but looking back at what i was before i got pregnant- i look so skinny [comparatively]. oh how i long to fit back into my capris or my favorite salmon t-shirt. pretty soon my feet are going to be puffier then a macy's day parade float so those are soon out the window [my heels have already gone] - thank goodness my purses always fit. in better news, my belly button is getting stretched out! justin used to call my belly button 'sticky' because it was deep. well now it's stretched out [not quite popped- my mom's didn't so we'll see if mine does. i'm hoping it does!] now and kinda goes in at an angle- kinda cool.

highlight of this month: i finally got recognized as pregnant! yes, my family and friends who know i'm with child always remark on how big i'm getting or whatevs but a total stranger did it! i was about week 26 and had to visit the welfare office [stupid insurance] and some lady in front of my in the massive line noticed. the next day, the wal-mart clerk said something! just made my week. so moral of the story: ask complete strangers if they are with child. so what if they are just really fluffy; you could always make some pregnant lady's day. or get yourself punched- all in the name of kindness. oh, sidenote: i am now going to the dr every 2 weeks- exciting!

food i'm oinking on this month: bbq chips. one day at work i just had the urge so i bought myself a large bag and hid it under the bathroom sink. poor justin never even got a single chip. my slurpee intake has risen as well but that's partly due to my recent sickness [bronchitis]. i've also been into smores too with the holiday among us.

our big announcement: i'm pregnant! [wow- doesn't really have the same shock value as it did before...sad] well our little baby no-name has a name. and it's a great name. a name of wonder and possibility. full of deep profound meaning. a lot of people have told me i shouldn't tell people the name we pick until the baby is actually here and birth certificerate -legitly named but alas, i am not that good a secret keeper. but maybe i'll keep it just a tad longer...

shenanigans of little baby named but not revealed: he is quite the ninja these days! not all the time but enough to get me annoyed at times. he still is quite shy whenever anyone touches my belly [a trait he inherited from justin bc we all know i have no boundaries]. it's so fun to see my belly jump sometimes when he kicks but defiantly weird when i feel him twist and turn. my doctor recently freaked the CRAP out of me- saying i have to start counting his kicks/hour. the nurse that gave us our hospital tour told me horror stories too about still-borns. so now i'm trying to be grateful for the annoying love kicks i get all the time.

thing i'm looking forward to the most: we have been putting offers in on houses so i'm praying that one goes through before baby surprise name comes about. i'm also really looking forward to my showers- yes, i'm having multiple ones. justin thinks it's the stupidest thing but hey, who is he to complain? free stuff! my MOL is throwing me one at the end of this month before lynsey goes to grad school. my former MOH & sister are throwing me my formal shower labor day weekend [owl theme! it's going to hoot-tastic. yes, i really did just type that] and meghan/whitney [girlfriends] are throwing me a more informal-friend-open house shower [mustache bash theme!] after that. this will be good so i can have more time with everyone, which you can't do at big ones. make sure i have your address so you can get an invite!

how my life resembles a movie book this month: if you haven't read the host, you are missing out. i love this book - yes, it's twilight's ugly sister [but only due to twilights super awesomeness. on it's own, the host would shine a whole light brighter]. synopsis: the world has been taken over by a form of aliens [don't skip over this quite yet- i promise it's awesome] who take over human bodies, typically overcoming their soul. melanie is one of the last remaining wild humans who gets captured and wanda gets put in melanie's body. usually, souls disappear but melanie stays around to fight and eventually wanda runs away from society to join a band of wild humans. amazing story but definatly hard to get into. well sometimes i feel like i have this little alien inside me; i don't know what he thinks but i feel him and i can know things. like when he's sleeping or really jazzed up. i talk to him and sometimes will talk FOR him to justin. or talk to him about justin. it's all just a fun mess.

how my life resembles a movie tv show this month: i'm sorry but i just could not find a movie that fit my mood. yes, i've been catching up on the greats [currently down: junior, look who's talking 1 & 2] but i realize, my life is much more a resemblance to that of miss lorelei victoria gilmore aka my favorite show of all time. so excuse the bazillion quotes but clips weren't available on youtube. so use the original youtube- your mind.

Lane:I wonder if Blanket ever met Tom and Katie's baby, Pillow?

Rory: Yea that would be a perfect playmate.

Lane: When it's naptime they'd be totally set.
Rory: And then they could invite Gwenyth's Apple over for a little snack.
Lane: Banjo, Rachel Griffiths' baby could play for them
Rory: And then they could all jump into Mia Farrow's Satchel and make fun of...what's his face.
Lane: Oh Pilot Inspektor Lee! [i hope we don't have quite the mockery with our picked moniker...but knowing my family, we will]

[Lorelai and Rory pull up in front of Sherry’s house. There are green balloons out front]

LORELAI: This must be the place.

RORY: I think the balloons confirm it.

LORELAI: No pink, no blue.

RORY: All green.

LORELAI: Aren’t baby shower balloons supposed to reflect the sex of the baby? Blue for boys, pink for girls.

RORY: You would think.
LORELAI: What’s green for, aliens?

RORY: I’ll ask when I go in. [my baby colors are actually green and grey- so yes, i am having a little alien]

SHERRY: You have to give me your list of books, okay?

LORELAI: Books?

SHERRY: The ones that you read when you had Rory.
LORELAI: Oh, I see. Um, I think I was reading "Deenie" at the time. SHERRY: No parenting books?

LORELAI: No parenting books.

SHERRY: Well, then where’d you get your information on child raising? Your mom?

LORELAI: No, "For Keeps." Uh, Molly Ringwald, Randall Bantikoff, really underrated little post-John Hughes flick. She went to the prom fat. I found it really inspirational. [my current reads: the host, the mortal instruments series, and the conference edition of the ensign. in that case, my child will learn how to survive an alien invasion while harbor his supernatural abilities, all while serving a mission]

 

skinny girl i hate this week: the girls i'm hating on this week aren't skinny - they're pregnant but i still am finding myself thinking of ways to sabotage their life with donuts & big macs.  i went to my wic appointment last week [ya for being poor!] and my counselor was telling me i had already gained too much weight [which my doctor says i'm completely normal]. since i was fluffy before, i should only have gained 11-15 lbs. seriously. i looked at this crazy lady and asked how in the world can you only gain 11 pounds! she then replied all smugly, 'i only gained 15'. and this lady is fluffier then i am now that i'm pregnant! what do these ladies do? not eat when they're hungry? that's insane. i'd rather gain an extra 10 pounds and have my baby happy then starve myself. fortunately for me, i never had morning sickness. unfortunately for me, that means i was able to keep my food & calories down. either way, i was content at the size i was pre-baby and i am happy with the size i am now. i don't overeat and i don't eat junk food so just eat. that. [or don't you stupid skinny girls]

planning we did this month: we are officially pre-registered at the hospital and went on our hospital tour last week. i am delivering at centennial- they not only offer mama massages for free, but a post-baby celebratory steak/fancy food dinner- score! we are also registering at targets & babies R us [bring on the gifts people].

so did you really think i wouldn't say the baby's name? come one people- i keep a good secret about as good as lady gaga does 'normal'. and the baby's name shall be.....

landon justin harrison

[insert applause here]

the day the world stands still is today

why yes, this is fluffy the cat with
underwear around his neck

imagine all of the great things in life [no lines at disneyland, free donuts @ krispy kremes, rolling down a hill wrapped in bubble tape, talking your way out of a speeding ticket, losing 25 lbs, finding $50 in your jeans- man i'd like to just misplace a couple dollars] multiple by that all the greatest people in life [bruce willis, oprah, ghandi, bono, beyo, beyonce, fluffy the cat] and square that by kittens, rainbows, & all things pink.

that's what 7-11 day is to me. the world's best day in the entire world. it's like my wedding day + the day we found out about baby no-name + the day justin got home from his mission- but every year!



illinois 7



me & slurpees have had quite the romantic love affair. i remember after playing some hard-core pee wee soccer games @ lorenzi park stopping by the 7-11 at rancho & 95 getting a slurpee. or when i got my school booster shots for kindergarten and getting promised a slurpee. my obsession probably didn't hit the fan until my teen years. from there--the rest is history. i would ditch semianry to have an early morning coke slurpee. i spent many a'weekend nights dancing at random 7-11s. it's now my life's ambition to hit up as many 7-11's as i can, recreating the same pose. so far, i have: nv, ca, az, ut, il, mexico. i know, lackluster but that's why it's called goals [justin's is to hit every state capital- snooze]. i'm so glad everyone relates my name synonymously with slurpees too- i've already got six happy-slurpee days from family/friends- it's nice to know people care more for my slurpee addiction then they do my birthday. bc we all know slurpees are way more important.

so in honor of this blessed day, here are some fancy slurpee facts to digest

-winnipeg, canada is the slurpee capital of the world; selling an average of 8,300/store/day.

please please please someone make me this
birthday: nov 16th

-canadian slurpees are heavier then americans- theirs aren't inserted with air [us americans will pay for anything, won't we?]

-early prototypes for the slurpee machine made use of an automobile air conditioning unit.

-slurpees technically are icees [but we all know they are def not - 'in what universe are slurpees' icees?' you hit it right on the nail, sheldon]- slurpees were licensed by the icee company in 1967.

-when slurpees first hit the market, it wasn’t self-serve. the machine was behind the counter and the clerk served the product to you.

-half of all slurpee drinks are purchased between the hours of 4 and 11 p.m.
-only one private individual owns a bona fide slurpee machine. the rest are in 7-eleven [no, unfortunately, this isn't me].
-every year enough slurpee drinks are sold to fill up 12 olympic-sized swimming pools.
-slurpee was "invented" when some sodas were put in a freezer to cool them down — and they became all slushy.

slurpee, you have my heart in your hand.
[ps- for all slurpee novies, sign up on slurpee.com and text your cup codes to a number. build up points to use for free redbox codes. currently i'm saving up for the free t-shirts].

my name is melissa and i am a mormon

i have a lot of people who view my blog who aren't mormon or LDS so i don't like to be too preachy, but it's important to share your faith [my biggest fear is to become one of those boring mommy blogs---which i feel is coming on sooner then i'd like it to be] because it makes you who you are.

mormons are different then other religions because we believe we have a modern-day prophet on the earth today who leads and guides us. think about it- if the people back in moses' time were that horrible that they needed a prophet, why wouldn't our world today need one? most people know mormons by things they don't do: we don't drink, smoke, do drugs, go out on sundays, etc. but that's not who we are: we are a church set on helping the world through humanitarian projects, a people who value family and believe families are together beyond this life. we believe that jesus christ not only visited the people in jerusalem [bible] but also the people in america [the book of mormon]- why would heavenly father only give his word to a select group of people? he loves everyone!

in our last general conference [a world-wide meeting with members throughout the world held twice a year], one of our apostles, dieter f. uchtdorf [from germany] urged members to share their testimony through their blog/websites/social media outlets. mormons have a saying, 'every member a missionary'- meaning you don't have to wear a suit/tie, ride a bike, and wear a name tag to share your testimony. this is true with any religion. that's why i decided to add a button on the side of my blog - it's not very intrusive but hopefully, it could help answer some questions people have about the gospel. i found cute ones here but you also create one by creating a profile on mormon.org [here's mine] .go here to watch some incredible videos.


i am proud to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. the gospel continues to bless my life every single day. i am not perfect [hello! you read my blog - you know this!] but i am trying. isn't that what everyone is just trying to do?

happy birthday america - sorry your party is so lame

oh how i love the 4th of july - hotdogs, fireworks, smores, but most importantly- holiday pay! such a splendid time to be an american. granted, i only hit 50% of that list this year but still, it was such a great weekend - i wish every week was a 4 day week [utah has that right] but alas, that means 10 hour work days = worst. it started off wonderful because we finally found a house we both love! we have been house hunting since last aug so quite a while [granted, we did take a 3 month hiatus when we lived in carson] but we are quite particular about what we both like and both want [thank goodness we found each other right?] but this house fits ALL our criteria. it's a short-sale [aka - i could turn completely grey by the time it goes through] so we're going to put in multiple offers on multiple houses but this is the first so very exciting!

don't hate on my giantness - it's vegas summer & i'm 7 months baking

beautiful lake mead @ 5am

look! i found the cave where voldemort hid one of
his horcruxes [horcruxi?] - people always assume
he's british but tis not so

i've always had memorable fourths. in 2007, justin & his boyfriends moved me to cedar city to start school on july 4th. growing up we always spent july 4th swimming at grandpa zobrist's then eating homemade ice cream at my aunt lori's, in 2008 shannon & i went to my brother josh's party and got her hair singed by fireworks. last year we went camping with the irelands [my virginal first] so this year we naturally spent it with them too. since the baby & meghan's work schedule put a damper on what we could do, we went out to lake mead on monday. after a sleepover sunday night and waking up at 3am, we trucked to the largest man-made reservoir with us four + mathew & anna [steven's siblings]. i was so grumpy and hungry but i'm so glad we went out so early. there was no one on the lake yet and we [and by we i mean not me] got a lot of tubing/swimming/knee boarding in before anyone else showed up. by noon we were pooped and it started to rain so we headed back in. perfect timing bc it started to rain. vegas had a flash-flood warning and some heavy rain sunday but we figured lake mead would be fine- the weatherman originally predicted 115 degrees for the weekend then changed it to 101 [it ended up being around 90ish]. on our way back in, the waves were so bad and steven was not slowing down for anything, my poor little baby got all sorts of jumbled around. it was actually scary for justin & i - i'm not even allowed on roller coasters! thankfully i felt him kick later so things should be a-ok [dr. appointment thur should confirm that]. poor little worry-wart first-time parents. overall- super fun. justin finally got himself on a boat, went tubing, knee boarded, and drove the boat [all his virginal firsts]. i got a tad bit of sun and was able to oink out all day. perfect.

when we were leaving the docks, everything was crazy hectic since it started to rain and everyone was trying to leave. i turned around one moment and guess who was there? no one other then ricki cheese! for all you crazy utards who don't know who the cheese is, she's an old-time vegas reporter whose skipped networks and prob not as popular as she once was but alas, i knew who she was. she just stuck her microphone in my face and started questioning me [what was the weather like out there? windy. was this what you expected for the 4th of july weekend? no. what did other boaters have to say about this weather? i don't know- we didnt' talk to anyone else. what are your plans for tonight? fireworks. what did you expect the weather to be like today? hot.]. now, being the huge celebutante that i am, i didn't get her too good of material. call it shock horrible questions snobbery, but i wasn't good and i knew it. still though, she said i'd be on the 6pm news. anna was thrilled! she told me she purposely walked in my background several times to get on the news. i laughed at her, knowing i was the true star. well, come 7pm i checked their website and alas, my material was cut- anna's wasn't. oh well, i'm much too big of a celebrity for local news anyways. and i looked like trash.

meghan & anna

my beloved

steven

that night we were so pooped from 3 hours of sleep + soaking in the sun all day we hit up justin's gma's bbq then went home to nap. later that night, all we could will ourselves to do was order papa johns, eat smores on the stove, and finish watching a movie. we didn't even see any fireworks. lameo old married couple but it was perfect for us.