Wednesday, August 3, 2011

things to do before you pop out a spawn

so i've got 8 weeks left [so 8 months with child- which justin didn't believe me when i said that. it's true- divide 40 weeks/4weeks a month- that's 10 month pregnant] and i am feeling antsy.

side note:
did you know hamsters have a gestation period of 16 days?! cats are 63, whales are 360 and elephants are 624 days. so basically, by now i could have had 14 hamsters, 3 1/2 cat liters, and i'd be halfway through my whale-making process. talk about perspective.

made me realize, wow- we have 8 weeks until we're gonna have a BABY. like, in something that screams and poops and cries and eats and needs his butt wiped. thats a whole lot of adjustment for a self-proclaimed drama queen. a few months ago, i kept hoping landon would come earlier then my due date but now...i'd appreciate a little more time [but only because we are homeless]. a baby changes everything [people say] and there is still so much i want to do before he comes. thankfully i have a lot of friends that are babyless as of now so consider this my advice to you. and to the other suckers out there with their adorable, pudgy little people--know that we are just jealous and are trying to console ourselves because we are without that poopy accessory.

things to do before you have a baby
[  ] eat at swanky resturants that are not child friendly [unfortunatly for us, i have the taste buds of a 7 yr old]
[x] go on a fancy-schmancy, out of the country vacation
[i plead the 5th] have relations somewhere you shouldn't
[/] jump out of an airplane [that's a half-check mark. justin, the person afraid of heights, has while the height-enthusiast, me, has not]
[  ] stage-dive at a concert
[x] visit a sketchy mexican neighborhood where you're afraid they'll steal your rims or jump you for your payless kicks
[x] skinny dip - in a pool & an outdoor body of water
[  ] spring break in florida
[  ] go on a spontaneous trip somewhere you've never been
[x] visit denny's at midnight
[  ] buy season tickets to sporting event [justin is really trying to accomplish this one for unlv's basketball team but alas, his dumpy wife won't let him. he's thinking of starting a fb support group]
[x] stay up all night long - willingly
[  ] backpack through europe
[x] steal a sign from the road
[x] spend a whole day in bed doing nothing [clothing optional. company optional but encouraged]
[  ] follow a band/artist on tour through three different states [i'm coming for you mr. owl city]
[  ] see a natural birth [defiantly not going to do this one. i prefer to go in blissfully ignorant]
[x] wear too much lipstick & too much rogue, wear your clothes a little too tight, & just be a little trashy [reference anyone? shannon will get it]

as you can tell, i've got a busy schedule the next few weeks if i'm going to accomplish all of these goals. some may say 'hey mel, you should really pack your hospital bag or pick a pediatrician or find someplace for the baby to sleep or make a birth plan' but no, i like to live life on the edge.

plus what the heck is a birth plan anyways? i PLAN on having a baby - that else do you need really? i'm just going to pop this baby out, kick back and get some attention, then cruise to 7-11 and get myself a coke slurpee. what's the big dealio?
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KinderTeach said...

I did get the reference! If you can manage to squeeze out the kid during Labor Day weekend, I'll bring the slurpees

Sam and Caitlin Tappana said...

Even though I felt like a whale, I am super glad I am not one. Or an elephant. 40 weeks is long enough. And dangit! I totally skipped out on the last minute to dos. Well maybe I can still spend a whole day doing nothing...she does sleep a lot.

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