secret keeper 3.0

to start this off, i want everyone to know what a wonderful secret keeper i've become. for reals, i am known in several circles as 'the one you don't tell anything to' because i can't keep my trap shut. but i did this time! for several weeks! it all started on christmas eve. my dr ordered a routine blood test several weeks before but i finally made the appointment for when justin would be home. i got the results super quickly and in one of the categories, it listed the range results by trimester. i had to re-read and google this because i couldn't understand why it would show that. my doctor wrote back 'looks all good!' in the notes. wouldn't she mention something like 'you're pregnant?' maybe she wanted it to be a surprise. she could have led with 'surprise! you're pregnant! i know you were worried about your metabolism being slow but i've got news- you're going to get super fat!'. that would have worked.

FLASHBACK to earlier in the month...
my friend text me she felt nauseous and was worried she was pregnant. we both agreed how terrible this would be because we're both trying really hard to lose our last babies weight. then we laughed and she got her period a few days later.

a little after that...
i felt nauseous at the gym and texted the same friend remarking how i was the one feeling sick now and wouldn't being pregnant just be the worst? and we laughed and laughed because it would be. i took a test and it was negative. which i really didn't think i could be pregnant- i just had my period two or so weeks before.

well after the test results i started to panic a bit. i realized i had just had my period 4 weeks before so i wasn't really late, but then again i haven't been super regular because i was still nursing. i thought, what the hey, i'll take one of these cheap japanese tests i got from a friend a year back. might not be super accurate but could give me some peace of mind.

then it didn't.

i thought maybe the stick was broken or just defective because like i said, it was extremely poor quality. so i worried and worried, ran to target then took the test later that day. and freaked out. no denying it this time! i had these big plans to tell justin in a cute way- maybe make him a bowl of cereal with 'i'm pregnant' engraved on the spoon. maybe make him a cake that said 'thanks for knocking me up'. in the end, he walked in the bathroom where i had the tests covered with toilet paper on the sink. he went in there to blow his nose and thought it strange i was creeping outside the door staring at him. then he threw his tissue away and saw the box [not the giant pile of tp with sticks hanging out]. he looked at me and said 'no'. we kept staring at each other and i smiled. then he said 'no..... no.' and he pointed a gun finger at me. i smiled and pointed two gun fingers at him. then he shut the door in my face.

for reals, what a turd.

i think i was feeling the same exact thing, he just did the action that most personified our emotions. he came out a little bit later, we hugged and kissed and said 'oh crap' together. not that we weren't trying not to get pregnant, we just assumed it would take longer. plus sometimes you just want sex with no consequences, am i right? either way, we played baby roulette and eventually lost.

i think the reason we had the 'oh crap' feeling is because we don't really know people who have 3 kids. two is kinda the social convention and where all of our friends are at. so 3? that's like a circus! i only have two arms! i only have two laps! how will my car fit three car seats in the back row? [for the record we have a third row option but man i am not ready to climb back there every single time to lock and unlock landon]. one was an easy choice. two was harder because kid one was terrible, but ended up being easy. three we just had to dive in head first and not really think about it. but really, all of our major life choices we've thought very little about [at least me].

a quick belly ultrasound at
10 wks

we knew we would get married quickly after he got home from his mission- no matter how much the numbers didn't add up. he applied for the carson city internship, not really thinking about how we would have to uproot ourselves and go without a job for six months. we didn't think about getting pregnant after a year of married- even though many many many people told us to wait. we didn't think too much about justin taking a huge pay cut by going to work for a congressman, but this led to an even better full time job two months later [and gave us double insurance coverage for the baby]. that seems to work for us. i'd like to call it faith but it could also be called blind luck. either way, we have been really blessed.

and for the record, we really do want this baby and are excited for him to come. i say 'him' because i already know it's a boy- and i'm so happy it's a boy. i always say i want a girl but lately, as i've observed the girls i know grow up, i am so glad i have boys! they are so wild, so fun, and so simple. they eat a lot, they're rough but they're what i know. i don't think i could handle a girl's emotions and feelings. but a girl would be great for justin. but who knows? i have been sicker this time.

an internal ultrasound at 12 wks

we finally told people near porter's birthday. a couple of people asked and we denied it because i wanted my mom to be the first person we told and i wanted it to be in person. we finally told landon the night before porter's birthday [we waited because we didn't want him to spill the beans]. we had previously been praying for the baby for weeks but he just figured we were talking about porter and mentioned him twice. he has been wanting a sister somewhat fierce but not for the reasons you'd think. it's just because of the costco dresses. that's right, costco! you're to blame! he LOVES to see the dresses and costumes they always have for girls, nothing for the boys. so he'll often tell me 'we need a little sister so we can buy those dresses'. he is very excited for this little sister, even though i've told him the chances are 50/50.

now i am about 13 weeks [due aug 24] and haven't really been in a super rush to announce it to the world. all of the essentials know, the people i talk to on a regular basis. we haven't had the same rush to announce for a couple reasons. somewhat because i was afraid of miscarrying but mostly because people have been kind of turds. like not happy for us at all-'you've got your hands full already'-'three kids cost a fortune'-turds. which makes me angry and sad. of course i'm going to have my hands full! i read an article one time from a lady who had 6 kids and she said with each kid, she felt overwhelmed. and then eventually she figured it out and wasn't. think about it- most of your friends growing up had more then 2 kids in their families so a 2+ family isn't that big of a deal. except when turds open their mouths and hurt pregnant ladies feelings. either way, we are happy-excited-terrified-nauseous-ecstatic-tired-elated to have another little baby join our family!