no sleep till brooklyn!

you want to know what the worst thing is? not sleeping. i think not eating would be pretty much up there too along with having to toilet paper or living with bugs in your house but still, no sleep is pretty much the worst. you know who live by the motto 'i'd rather be skinny then sleep an extra 30 minutes'- schmucks. schmucks i tell you. you want to know my motto? 'i'd rather sleep then be skinny'. really, when i don't sleep i think 'oh well, at least i can eat this twinkie' [which i do- have you tried the new chocolate filled twinkies? pretty yummy i say]. for reals though, i am dying. having no sleep has been the biggest adjustment with two kids. i remember a friend of mine on fb remarked that she was so tired with one kid [oh one kid, the luxery] and i wrote something like 'this too shall pass- eventually they learn to sleep'. bs! i call bs! landon is three and still doesn't sleep through the night. porter is 7 months, meaning i haven't slept a full nights sleep in over

4 years [bc when you're pregnant, you sure can't sleep]. i honestly don't think my body would know what to do with a full nights sleep- 8 whole hours of glorious, uninterupted sleep? crazy! no creepy little face 3 inches from mine in the twilight to wake me up, no one jumping on my belly at 3am screaming 'it's morning time!' or crying for a boobie. really. i can't even imagine that. granted, my boys are sick right so i'm feeling pretty dramatic right now.

you know how i relate too much to tv shows [like 'revolution'- that one still freaks me out]? well i'm currently obsessed with this new show called 'the lottery' about how in the distant future, there's some plague that goes around making everyone infertile. well they 200 women and put them through these tests to see their mothering skills. such as being interrupted every 2 hours at night and then making them take a driving/cognitive test. i really don't think i could pass one of those tests now. my brain is basically mush. i've only been staying home from work for 3 years. i graduated college 5 years ago - at the top of my class, mind you. and yet i seriously cannot even tell you what 48 x 2 is. really, i had to do this earlier today and i busted out my calculator on my phone. i am losing my mind! i looked online and these are some of the effects of sleep deprivation.

high blood pressure
heart attack
stroke
obesity
psychiatric problems [like depression]
mental impairment
injury from accidents
disruption of partner's sleep habits
poor quality of life

for reals, this is the story of my life. thankfully i am good on the blood pressure and heart front- i try to work out and eat right so i've always been ok in that department. but obesity? heck yes! bring on the ding dongs! if i can't control my sleep, i will eat my way to happiness. and depression? mental impairment? hello! my friend recently battled some post-partum stuff like myself and she remarked how it all stemmed from not getting enough sleep. that is exactly my case! i get incredibly depressed when i don't sleep. i haven't had any accidents and my partner's sleeping habits haven't really been inttruppted [how about HE grow some boobs and take a feeding once in a while? am i right?!]- but i feel like sometimes i want to have an accident where i blow a bullhorn in his ears at 11, 2, 4, 5, and 7am- just so he can feel my pain. as for poor quality of life? eh. i seriously am contemplating swallowing sleeping pills from 2am - 7am. but come 7am, i open up the blinds, put my girl girl panties on and can face the day. but goodness gracious i am beat come nap and bedtime.

i hate all those posts people are doing on fb about how we need to enjoy this time and how this is the time we will be the most loved by our children. we'll never get these moments back and we need to treasure them. i want to strangle these people. i enjoy my children and i am cherishing these moments but i don't need to feel guilty for being sick of them every once in a while. i need sleep. i need date nights. i need adult conversation and heaven forbid, i need some dove chocolate after bedtime. and i don't feel the slighest bit guilty about it.

so ya i'm exhausted. i know it will pass but right now it feels like it won't. and that's ok. so what if it takes me another couple months to lose that baby weight. i'll go to the gym eventually. one night i will go to bed without chocolate. but it will not be tonight. and tomorrow isn't looking good either. because i've got exactly 60 minutes to shower, read my book club book, and do my bedtime routineu until the baby wants to eat.