Wednesday, October 19, 2011

adeui mr. scrooge - mel's meanderings

did you hear the scuttle? andy rooney died. not really, but his segment on 60 minutes did and i'm quite heartbroken. as the world's foremost curmudgeon and my person idol, i couldn't think of a single greater tragedy. maybe the world-wide banning of wham! albums. or if bejayz's baby was ugly.

in case you aren't over the age of 35 or live at home with your parents like the cool kids do [i hear], andy rooney is a living legend. *fun fact: the band rooney is named after him. this is not really true- they are named after principal rooney from 'ferris bueller's day off' but i'd like to dream. basically what he would do at the end of the broadcast [typical- always saving the best for last. that's what heavenly father did with me in my fam] is grumble and grouse about whatever was getting his goat that week [i thesaurus 'week' to find a synonym that started with g but alas, my websters is not a rap dictionary]. so in essence, andy had justin's dream job.

i really would look forward to his weekly gripes each week- he had such a humorous way to complain about life yet offer a nugget to think about at the end. andy never really asked my opinion on some topical things that bother me so i thought i could use this as my submission to CBS for andy's spot. i'll call it:

mel's meanderings
*this segment is will also be routinely referred to as my 'list'- as in 'you are on my list'. read: this is not a good thing

remember when i wrote this? i was suffering from a severe case of bangatosis and needed to write future-mel to ensure that i would never again massacre my locks in a momentary lapse of judgement. i think the time has come for me to write myself another letter my friends.

a few months ago i noted [on my blog? in an email to caitlin? who knows] that new mothers have a tendency to chop off all their locks and i called them insane. their hair was gorg before and they totally screwed the pooch by going for the shorter locks. then what did i do once i came home from carson? i preemptively shortened my hair [it was partly due to a miscommunication but still my mistake] and i am regretting it to the day. everyone said prenatals made your hair repunzel status but alas, mine did not. i swear the growth has gone dormant. either way, i want my hair back more then i'd like to see posh, baby, scary, and sporty get back together.

so what's a gal to do? envy. dream. lust. my hair really has been my pride and joy- when i feel and look like death, at least i can do my hair and look respectable. i seemed to hit my hair peak my first year of marriage. i fell in love with updos and i really found my groove- lately...not so much. i spend most of my day in pajamas [partly out of necessity, partly because i'm a big ball of laziness] but when justin comes home, i like to fancy it up a bit but lately, my hair has been lacking. i'm in need of a rejuvenation. i've noticed just like pantene promises, i am a new woman when my hair is silky and smooth. it's better then a push-up bra, mostly because a push-up bra would cause me to suffocate.

so until then people, you need to be my support system. maybe i should start a fb page where other girls who suffer from their own boredom could bolster each other up. remind me of felicity's long lost locks or bieber's bangs [may they rest in peace]. people, be my bra.

and that was

mel's meandering
brought to you by the fine people of 7-11

**in case you work for geico and live under a rock, check out these fine rooney specials. it could save you 50% or more on car insurance. or it could just make you smirk- either or**

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Sam and Caitlin Tappana said...

I've always been very green about your hair. And it did look fantastic the first year of your marriage. However, I still think it looks fantastic now! But I understand how awful it is to have a hairstyle that no matter how many people say they like it, you just don't! If you brush it, it will grow. (till it starts falling out post pregnancy, much like mine has started doing)

Anonymous said...

i like it mel lol

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