Wednesday, June 3, 2015

mel's meanderings: first - second - third

first kid: we were so excited - and everyone was excited for us! some people told us to wait longer but they knew we wouldn't. the pregnancy was practically a breeze- it was all so new and different that every little twinge and ache was noted and told to my midwife. i read 'what to expect when you're expecting' and was terrified i was going to give birth to a sea monkey. i was working so i was somewhat preoccupied. i walked often and watched what i ate. people rubbed my belly and often commented on my glow. it was all so magical and exciting. the birth was the worst but i had tons of visitors and gifts at the hospital. landon was pretty much the worst baby in the world but there were lots of people to come visit him. i got a butt load of gifts and felt so loved. everyone was so happy that we expanded our family and pushed us to have more. but with landon's terrible temperament, we couldn't even imagine more. people lined up to babysit the world's worst baby and we happily let them.

second kid: getting pregnant the second time took a bit longer then we thought so we were so happy to find out. our family was excited for us and friends were too. pregnancy was a bit harder. i was more nauseous, i couldn't sleep as much or sit down as much as i wanted. i felt giant and i gained a ton of weight. i got waited on less. getting alone time was harder. people were so excited for us to have another kid, but a bit disappointed that it was another boy. no one visited me in the hospital, not even some family members. porter was a godsend as a baby and the adjustment was hard, but only due to more postpartum depression. no more really gave gifts, but my friends did throw me an impromptu diaper shower, to which i was so grateful. i got a tons of meals from friends, because i finally had friends. it took 6 months but having two kids wasn't that hard of an adjustment. finding people to babysit two kids was a constant struggle, but at least once a month we got away. people didn't ask us for more kids because they didn't want us to have more kids.

third kid: we knew we didn't want to wait as long with this kid as we did between the first two but it was still a surprise. happiness over our conception was at a minimum. in fact, i felt almost afraid to tell people we were pregnant because of some hurt feelings. i felt even more sick and was convinced it was a girl. when it wasn't, even more people were disappointed in us. helping the pregnant lady is at an all-time low because there's no sympathy for people who put themselves in these kind of situations. in fact, the pregnancy and birth is coming at a pretty inconvenient time for some people. i look exhausted, giant and tired - because i am - and strangers aren't afraid of pointing that out. or pointing out the fact that i am going to have my hands full with the two babies so close together. and babysitters are actually fleeing from me to avoid having to help watch my kids.* i imagine the birth will be quite a quiet affair, seeing as how the second one had less fan fair. not that i need it- i don't want balloons & flowers, but someone helping out with my kids would be nice*. i bet some ladies in my ward will be kind & drop off diapers/meals.
*granted, not everyone has been terrible. i've had a few friends nearby who have been helpful and my family is great, but they are so far away.

it's really been getting to me how people really don't celebrate having more then 2 kids but you know what, that's fine. i don't have kids for the presents or attentions but a little shared joy wouldn't hurt anyone. it's not like i'm going to abort this child because you disapprove of my life choices. it just disappoints and saddens me. i was child #6! imagine what people said to my mom. when i call my mom [often] and cry, she humbles me by reminding me how hard it was for her. and then i get mad that she won't let me wallow in self-pity but hey, its what i need. i love my children, they are my greatest joy and i wouldn't miss out on them for the world. and ya, i am going to be depressed and tired and grumpy and overwhelmed and everything under the sun for 6 months, but then i'll get a hold on life and things will get better. i read an article once by a lady with 6 kids. she said how she was super overwhelmed by one kid, then got used to it. then she had another and the same thing happened. she would look at others with their gaggle of children and not understand how they did it. it's not like you automatically know how to handle your children, you just learn and adjust. i just wish that our society could stop demonizing children/large families and recognize what they really are- a blessing.

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KinderTeach said...

Well stop having kids when it's inconvenient for me!! Do you know how bummed I am that I'm going to miss the birth of baby T-bone. I love you baby sister and you can wallow in the phone whenever you want. You are a wonderful mom and you are doing a fantastic job, especially since you've been a single mom, and a momless daughter this time around. Be a Zobrist, tell those people to go to hell or give them my number and I'll tell them.

Kari said...

I think it's fabulous you having another kid! But I'm from a big family so I love large families. I think it's good to talk about it so that we all pay a little more attention to what might be hard for others rather than just worrying about ourselves. So props!

Amanda said...

Reading this makes me so sad! But I totally agree! People hate children. It's so sad. I wish we lived closer so I could help you and be excited with you! I also hate that people aren't excited for "another boy." Screw them! I come from a family of 2 children and vowed I would have at least 3. Big families are the best!!

Sam said...

I'm so sorry people aren't happy for you. Children are blessings!! No matter what number you are on, they are wonderful. You are a great mama, and it makes me sad people are treating you like this. Also, I need to sign out of Sams account. But I'm lazy.

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