pregnancy update: 39 weeks and due!

tomorrow i am getting cut wide open and my little baby will be riped out from my insides, into a cold and bright world. i am so excited! this pregnancy has definitely gone by quicker then last [and sadly received less attention- but that's how things go]. it's so weird to me that we're soon going to be a family of four- i can barely believe i'm a mother some days! i just love my life and i am so happy to bring another little baby into this world. i just hope i don't screw him up too bad.... well, just enough to make him interesting.

weekage: 39 weeks and 3 days - my doctor let me choose my delivery date a week before my due date- we went with the 16th because justin and i are both born on the 16th and it's a holiday weekend [which makes babysitters more available]. poor landon, already being edged out as favorite by little brother.

poundage: depressingly so, a whopping 45 lbs [i gained 35 with landon]. everyone says the second is harder then the first because you're running around more- which is true. but i'm also at home bored more often so i eat more, plus the holidays didn't help one bit. i'm at peace with it though- i know i can lose the weight if i work hard and i will. it's just been so hard taking holiday pictures and looking like a buffalo in all of them.

39 weeks [porter] - 41 weeks [landon]
i know, i know- i need to clean my mirror

progression: i'm dilated to a 3 which is nothing short of a miracle. last time with landon i could not dialate- even after scraping my membranes and having the foley ballon [aka the worst pain in my life next to pitocin contractions], i was only at a 4 when i checked into the hospital. and that was a week late- i'm technically 2 weeks before that and am at a 3 by myself. it makes me wonder if i should have attempted a vbac but nope, i'm glad i didn't. i like having a date set, being able to plan my last few days and not being surprised. plus i already have the bad side effects from a c-section, i don't want the bad things that come with a normal delivery as well.

how i'm feeling: gigantic. a few weeks ago my mom even told me 'your dad and i were talking about how big you were the other night and i wouldn't be surprised at all if you delivered early. you are just so big' [thanks mom]. i am so big and uncomfortable. my main complaints: bending over to pick stuff up, not being able to carry my baby or things, the braxton hicks contractions which are so painful, back pain, trouble falling and staying asleep and the weight gain. otherwise, i'd like to think i'm low maintenance [oh ya! the swelling/puffy feet are the worst. i wore heels the other day to the temple and i felt like the ugly step-sisters in cinderella because my feet were throbbing and puffing out the sides. worst ever]. really, i could be a whole lot worse then i am but justin is not one for sympathy so that helps me buck up a bit. that being said, he was the best ever after recovery from my c-section last time and i bet he'll be the same again. he's incredibly sweet and caring when i'm sick/hurt.

how landon is feeling: personally, i think he knows he's getting edged out. i know the holidays are harder on everyone but he would just act out and be disobedient in ways that he wouldn't before. he keeps saying he doesn't want to share his big boy toys with porter but will share the baby toys with him [i have a big box in porter's room that he considers baby toys]. i really think he's going to have a hard time adjusting to sharing me because he is such a mama's boy. i'll have a hard time not being able to have those special moments with him. i know it's horrible and it won't be this way forever but i can't imagine loving another baby like i love landon! i know, so horrible. i know it won't last but landon is just my everything and i miss him when i'm gone for just an hour. i am one of those mom's people.

how justin is feeling: they say women become mother's when they find out their pregnant and men become father's when they hold their baby. so true, even with this second one. he never got excited or super fanatic when i was pregnant with landon but became so sweet once he held landon- i know the same will be with porter. i think justin is most excited for my to stop snoring as bad as i have been [really, it's bad people. extra weight + sick + swollen sinus' due to pregnancy = grumpy husband]. plus, i know he's hoping porter will be more of a daddy's boy then landon is.

what i'm worried about: adjusting to life with two kids, being able to leave the house in a blue moon, insurance issues, recovering from my c-section, worried that porter will be a devil child like landon was. honestly, if he was i could handle it because i learned how to with landon but i don't think justin could. people just don't believe me but landon really was so so horrible as a baby. now he's fantastic but baby months = worst. the worst night of my life was the night he was born. i really was traumatized by it. i'm also worried about landon not getting the attention he needs, about being able to take care of my family/house/duties. breastfeeding.

what i'm excited for: that newborn smell, the hospital stay [really- room service, people come at my beck and call, sleep....well if the child isn't like landon, attention- come on, that's the life], those tiny clothes, snuggle time, having landon meet his little brother, becoming a family of four, being able to bend over again.... after the 8 weeks of recovery, the catheter [let's be honest, it's nice just being able to pee whenever]. i can't end with the catheter so i'm also really excited to just love another little human as much as i love my snuggle bunny.

it's the end of the world as i know it, and i'm feeling just fine. [except that 5am wake up call could come a little later in my opinion]