Monday, October 1, 2012

the green sickness

so i am majorly green- and not in the good way. anytime i think about things, i get sick, for other reasons. you see, one of my best friends had her baby last week and she is adorable! so adorable! and so perfect- she's sleepy and breastfeeding and everything! now my problem is i'm so green with envy it's ridiculous.

really- i know i'm pathetic and this will be a 'woe is me' post but hey, it's my world, you're just the stars in my sky.

so in case you don't remember, i had a horrible no good birth. granted, talking to girls now, everyone seems to think their birth story was the worst. because they were to them. so i would say this was the #2 worst thing that's ever happened to me but also #3 best thing. but that wasn't so bad- what was bad was after. i say this all the time but i don't think you people out there really get the gravity of the situation.

landon was the world's worst baby
and continues to be a handful of a toddler.

now i'm not just being dramatic here- even though i am. he didn't sleep, he didn't eat, i couldn't breastfeed, i couldn't get him to be happy, he was awake all the time, and was only happy with the blowdryer on, swaddle tight in the blanket and close to my chest. when i saw my friend in the hospital bed, i had horrible, nauseating flashbacks to my horrible c-sec and she had such a pleasant one. i remember the days of recovery and she's doing nicely. i remember how painful the balloon & dialation checks & strippings were- and she didn't have any of that.

in case you don't remember - he made this face for 6 months straight
today i went to go visit her at home and her little baby was a sweet, sweet angel- that didn't make me feel happy for her [i know, horrible no good friend am i] but it made me remember how i never slept. how i couldn't get out of the bed. how it took me ages to find a way to get him to sleep for 2 hours at a time [in his carseat swaddled super tight]. how he was never happy. how he could scream and scream for hours at a time. when i think back to those early months [he was colicy til 6 months]

but you know the funny thing is? i just realized it while i was writing this post. i hardly wrote about that at the beginning. in fact, my friend told me one time we were having a mom get together and landon was losing it and i was so calm- she couldn't believe me. in my head, i was a nutcase but she thought i had it all together.

always getting into something- he knows how to open
child locked cabinets as well
justin tells me he's going to tell landon i said he was horrible when he was a baby and i don't care, he was. he was the world's worst baby- and that's said from multiple mothers, not just me. and he is a handful of a toddler. he rips socket covers off walls and trys to play with them. anything and everything in a room, he is super aware of and wants to discover. i remember my mom said once [while trying to console me while i was losing it because my baby was so, so sooooosoososoo bad] that landon was just restless- he wanted to see and go and do- but he was stuck in this little body that couldn't do anything that he wanted to. now, i totally get that. because no he can go see and do and he does. he is so inquisitive and smart- so if suffering through a terrible delivery, an even horrible first half of a year then a rough second half- i can do that. because now i know how to handle him.
super sweet boy - hiding from me

talking to justin, we're both pretty scarred to have a second because we don't want another landon tempered kid. but honestly, we know how to handle it now, so it will never be as bad as it was. plus, what are the chances we'll have another landon? really- that would just be cruel.

update - so basically 24 hours later
so i babysat for a friend- just for a few days, so nothing major. but man has it made me glad for my own kid!! landon i am sorry i'm such a crank complainer with you. i'm glad for your quirks and not for someone else. you know how they always say you're always glad for your problems once you realize everyone elses? not that these kids are problems but their hard points are different- and i'm grateful for landon's.

man, i think that's referred to as chastisement from hf. good one.
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Caitlin said...

You really did seem like you had it together, and I was barley around you. Oh sure you would write me and vent, but it still seemed to me like you had it all together.

And Landon may have been a booger as a newborn, but he is pretty much the cutest little 1 year old boy out there.

Anna Campbell said...

I thought you told me that I had the worlds worst kid... Or is it that mine are "kids" and yours is just the worst baby... Either way you survived the first year and I am so proud of you. Landon isn't an easy kid, and from my experience (and other mothers I've talked to)when you have a second they go back and forth on who is the worst kid. most of the time. Can't wait for you to have another!!

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