Wednesday, August 1, 2012

weightloss wednesday: gym rats

do you love the gym? some people would rather be squeezed into a sausage maker [which is my experience with sports bras] but i love it. love love love. i like the smell of stanky sweat, the feel of well-worn leather with butt juice and the techno-pop pumpin along in the background. it's just awesome. don't be intimidated by the gym- i know it seems like a lot of people who know everything there is about working out is there in skimpy clothing looking fabulous and never breaking a sweat. not true- they're all just as insecure as you are [well, the guy in 80s hammer pants and a stretched out tank that covers no nip or belly button isn't. he's got it all in the bag] and they are just doing what they've seen other people do for years, what they read in a magazine/high school gym class, or what a trainer once told them years ago in an introductory session. knowledge is power baby- unfortunately, you really do need to physically show someone how to use equipment. but here's a basic rundown of what i like to do at the gym.

prep: make sure you wear something comfortable and appropriate for what you want to do. so usually i'll wear yoga pants [but not too loose or else they fall off tooshie] and a t-shirt with a double bagged bra. comfortable running shoes. stay away from light pants [show butt sweat!] or too tight of shirts. you're not there to impress....unless you are. then ignore everything i say. make sure you bring a water bottle, you're ipod to docked full of awesome tunes & a sweat rag- DEF bring a sweat rag. and if you don't ever use a sweat rag, then you're not working out hard enough. my sister recently inquired about my workout playlists- heres my classic workout mix and the most recent one i made.

*warning: i am not a personal trainer. i do not know your workout level or medical history. this is just what i like to do to give you some new ideas*
warm up: walk in like you OWN that place. because for $30/month, you do. walk in energized and excited- and make a commitment to stay there at least an hour. warmup with some dynamic stretches in the 'allotted stretching area' aka class room. i usually like to take a quick-paced run on the treadmill to loose up. think 5-8 min, start of walking on a slight incline [i usually run at an incline] at at least 5-8 mph. you should feel loose, not tired. get your heart rate up but not panting.

cardio: i like to do my cardio at the beginning or else i wimp out on it. honestly, i mentally block myself thinking i'll too tired/don't have time. so i make like nike and do it. as you can remember, i like to run. i feel like i get the most out of my time. so i'll do a run/walk/run combo on an incline. now if you need a break, do the stationary bike [backless]- and work at a 80-90 mph pace. if you want to go hard, go on the stairmaster for as long as you can [that's a BEAST!]. the gazelle aka the elliptical is a skinny-white-homemaker's-game, not yours. and as a not-skinny-but-white-homemaker-girl, i can say skip it. there's a reason why women like it- it's easy. and doesn't work you out as much. yes it has it's place- for off days or when you have weak joints or other special needs. but for the most part, skip it. man up ladies. i spend at least 30 min here. 40-60 on good days.

pump that iron: i start off on the free weights- here you can use your creative juices. again, it'll be too complicated to describe exercises so just google it. i usually spent 10-20 min here then move to the benchpress. again ladies, do not be scared. it's the mark of a real workout. start low- with the bar at least [it's 45lbs- but your boob pecs are much stronger then you'd think] and go for high reps. then i hit the weight machines. i love the leg press, inner/outer thigh machines, arm press, ab curl, and a lot of other machines i cannot believe to name. just experiment- don't be afraid to look stupid or only do a few reps.  don't do the same machines every single time- mix it up. some people like to do legs on day/arms the next sort of thing. whatever floats your boat [i do too].

finish it out: depending on my mood, i'll hit the cardio up again hard [slow jog with sprints in between], hit it slow [long and hard on a walk or backless bike], or abbersize it in the cardio room. or go to a class! it's amazing how much energy you have left when you really don't think you have anything left. go for the gold people!

stretch stretch stretch: use the cardio room and don't be embarrassed to take a yoga mat and get yourself all bobcat-pretzely. it feels good and does your body good.

-don't get yourself in a rut. change your routine/exercises/machines/classes often. make the only consistent thing the fact that you do to the gym.
-i hate hate HATE protein drinks almost as much as i hate men in sleeveless shirts. it's important to eat light before and after [think fruit with peanut butter or granola bar]. and if you feel like you really have pumped that much iron and depleted so much of your protein supplies, drink chocolate milk. you only have a limited capacity to hold protein, so those protein shakes just make your pee super expensive.
-be proud of what you do, even if it's only 30 minutes.

i hate it when people make fun of big people at the gym. personally, i give
them kudos for trying to change. and i HATE skinny pretty
girls at the gym. hate hate hate [bc i'm not one]
and since you've read this post, now i will entertain you with my gym horror story. why yes i've stunk up the air at the gym once or twice. or more like always when i stretch. well my horror story comes to you from my college years. back then, i was such a gym rat. well as much as a rat i will ever be, so like 4-5x/week. i was too good for the school gym so i went to gold's. i always start my workouts with a run on the treadmill. i had just started my run and was changing the song on my ipod [i rarely make it through a complete song when i run- still do today] and i dropped my ipod [done that once or twice or a million times] and i usually let it slide off the belt, drop to the ground and stop my run. for some reason, i looked down once it fell and i totally face planted it on the belt. face planted then it pushed me off faster then a girl hooks up with another girl on bachelor pad. so i totally ate it, lying on the ground all pathetically at the gym [at a peak time, no doubt] and no one, NO ONE even asks me if i'm ok, come to my rescue or anything. so i just pick myself up and get back on. i felt soo stupid. even worse because every saw it and no one said anything- just pretended like it didn't happen. i guess it would have been worse if people laughed or everyone acknowledged it...but still.

oh and i regularly have butt sweat. so tip #4- always wear black pants if you mean business.

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