mel's meanderings: shut your trap mom-pants

no i don't get this reference--help?

it's my pleasure to bring you another episode of cranky old

mel's meanderings

this one brought to you by the good people of mom-jeans

no this post isn't about these awesome pantalones [what negative things could i say about them? really people- do you know me at all?] no i have an issue with the people inside those pants- moms. and sometimes not even moms. okay, know-it-alls when it comes to babies.

when kitty-cait was here last weekend we talked about how some people are The Worst and like to put their two cents in where its not needed or wanted. like devin when she told me i needed to put pants on landon. or when i told her to let thor listen to the blow dryer to calm down. [see people, i'm just as guilty] no one knows your child better than you do. whether you carried it for a kazillion months like i did or foster it like my sister- you know your kid so who is that bossy pants to tell you what to do. yes suggestions are appreciated-- like once a year per person. i remember maybe one month after a friend had her baby, she was already giving me advice [i was still large with child]--ok, no one is an expert at month one. and especially not an expert on things the baby needs when they are 6+ months old.

this has all come to fruition because some lameos have been really pissing me off lately-
yes i feed my child
no i don't want to know how you handled you're cranky baby- cranky is different than colic
yes he is skinny [which is def not in mine or justins genes but hey, its what landon is]
no i don't want you're voodoo drugs/herbs/pills/massage techniques that got your kid to poop
yes i know how to breastfeed and get my milk to come down. every boob is different, especially when you have to use certain hardware
yes he is happier sleeping in his carseat and it wont give him a flat head...but he does kinda have a big noggin so that wouldn't be too terrible
no i have not cut out dairy/chocolate/caffine/vegetables from my diet

see - alive and well. and adorable as ever

i especially hate it when people say "just let me know if you want this advice" or "let me know if i'm annoying you"- yes, the mere fact that you're speaking is annoying and did i ask you how you got your angel of a child to sleep at night? no. every kid is different. and if you don't even had a kid or had one like a quadrillion years ago, you have zero right to even be thinking you know what you're talking about [me pre-landon]. if i want to know what you think, i'll ask. or google it....ya i'll prob google it. you are like the annoying kids in class who constantly raise their hand then when aren't call on, just blurt out the answer [that was also me].

and just for the record, i have no clue what i'm doing. i'm continually worried that 50% of what i do is wrong but isn't that what the first kid is for? that's why they're the spoiled one- you have to make up for dropping them, running their heads into door frames, or failing to recognize they were teething and in pain.

don't worry, i have the same exact philosophy when it comes to cooking. just ask my mom. so shut it people. and take your judgmental eyes with you.