family services next victim

so do you ever have those moments where you feel like a complete and utter failure as a mother? bc i have those regularly. in fact, last night i had a meltdown [don't believe the hype people, nursing is the hardest, most  challenging thing in the whole world. seriously, how do those moms just whip it out and milk their kid in 5 min? i have to have landon propped just right, with his head just right, making sure my boob doesn't suffocate him and my shield placed just so- all while keeping him awake and trying to have im full in under 45 min- oh and i'm constantly worried that he's not getting enough to eat].

i always knew i wasn't born the mothering type. normal girls couldn't WAIT to babysit- i'd do it for the junk food, cable, and $20. i really am not good with kids- except peanut, i spoiled him pretty well but that kid eats cat food so really, he doesn't have high standards]. i thought itd be different with my own. don't get me wrong, i LOVE being a mom but it doesn't come easily to me at all.

so here's the evidence of my horrible mothering

landon, staring at his neglectful mother wondering how he got assigned to her in heaven

yes, that's toe jam you're looking at. toe jam on my 11 week old baby. i continually fail to clean his toes out. granted, he has them clenched tighter then lil wayne's dreads and rarely releases them, esp in the bathtub but still, this isn't the first time i've found major jamage in his cute little toes.

oh and i often forget to change his diaper in time so he regularly wets through his pants.

please tell me i'm not the only non-natural mother out there. and that his jammy toes won't forever scar him.