Monday, June 13, 2016


sometimes i get so caught up in my little bubble, i forget there's a whole world out of there that doesn't revolve around me or my boys. it's like i'm looking through a pinhole - i just don't see the big picture. that's usually when heavenly father humbles me.

during our painting weekend, justin got a call from a mission friend. he moved here from columbia a few months ago on a work visa and just got his family over here as well. they came into town and wanted to visit with us. now- my house was a wreck, everything was out of place, and i was going on day two with no sleep and a butt load of stress. and justin invited them over for breakfast sunday morning.

imagine my joy.

justin went and picked them up while i got breakfast ready. his former companion spoke limited english while his wife knew only a few words. they have a 3 year old daughter and due with their second in a month. communication was awkward and limited and there were many moments of silence. the wife and i mainly communicated using google translate on her phone. it was not easy but there still was a lot learned. in columbia, justin's companion worked in a currency exchange office. here he works as a gardener. they have no family state-side and everything they have has been a gift from their kind neighbors and church family. they told us about their life and struggles. he would tell us how his mom was robbed for the fourth time this year or how he was amazed how people could walk down the road and NOT be on the lookout for something to happen to them. he told us how he had to walk miles to and from work, until some strangers helped him own a van. it's not fancy or new, but it runs. and in columbia, only really rich people had cars of any sort. someone in their ward loaned them enough money to get his family into the states. the hardships they described- unbelievable. when we walked them around our house, they were amazed. "this is all yours?" and i was embarrassed. embarrassed that i have so much yet appreciate it so little. when they were leaving, i gave their little daughter some bubbles and she acted like i gave her the greatest gift. i felt terrible that i hadn't wanted them to come. i didn't want to host some strangers but they really taught me so much.

and then my sweet little niece blakely was born. her parents had discovered blakely's heart condition early on. several doctor appointments and consultations led them to las vegas. once here, the specialist decided to keep them here. blakely stopped growing and so she was born via c-section a few weeks early, measuring only 4lbs 13oz. once she was born, the doctors found a few other issues that resulted in a surgery being preformed the day after she was born. i was able to visit blakely when she was two days old. she had just had her breathing tube taken out so i got to see her cry. we couldn't hold or touch her but she was gorgeous. a head full of hair and the sweetest little face. and then the unspeakable happened. six days after she was born, little blakely passed away early in the morning. i can't even imagine the pain they are feeling. losing a baby, before her life even started. and here i am, three babies deep. all healthy and safe. and most days i can't stand them.

i love my kids, i do, but i take them for granted. i mean, who doesn't? the screaming, the fighting, the BITING. it's a lot and some days i'm just struggling to get by. life isn't fair, it just isn't. but that ok. in that unfairness, we learn a lot. now everything i see griffin's chubby hand reaching for me, i thank my heavenly father he is here with me. same with my other boys. and when i stop being grateful for them, i know heavenly father will send me another reminder of all that i have been given.

it's humbling to witness these difficulties among family and friends. it's made me more grateful to my heavenly father. i truly have been given much and i too must give. in my substance, my time, my heart. because one day, it could be me on the other end and i hope someone is there for me to help- and to learn.
Pin It!


Amanda said...

umm I cried when I read this. I swear I'm not prego haha but that really hit home. And I needed to hear it this week (or month ugh). Thank you for sharing! Love you!

Kari said...

What an inspiring and humbling post. Thanks for sharing!

Caitlin said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your niece. Thanks for sharing this post.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...