stuff girls love that guys hate

last night i was skyping kitty-cait and we got started talking about the annoying things we do to our husbands that they put up with (her: mcthrow up me: obsession with cats), which naturally led to the annoying things girls do that guys can't stand. honestly, i am guilty of every single one of these items yet someone i snagged myself a man. poor guy, never had a chance. we can't help it! it's in our genes to love the cute, cuddly, and cheap. so sue us- no, don't sue us. that's besides the point.

dressing up your pets or put them in purses - i can't tell you how many times i've begged/pleaded/coerced/drugged justin, all trying to get a purse puppy. i want one. i need one. how could you not? it's a doll that's alive, won't ever leave you, and cuddle you when your husband says he's too hot to touch you [im assuming...not like i'd know...]. plus, it's an excuse to get a new purse.

cutesy nicknames - i've been known to call justin anything. pickle. love lobster. puddin pie. lollypop. hubbypoo. chicken little. sir loves alot. snugglepie. dumplin do. most of the time, i just like making up something new. fune- last time caitlin was in town, i called out snicklepoo or something ridiculous and they were all sorts of confused as to who i was referring to- haha!

fb photos galore - who doesn't like fbs [read: facebook stalking]? i know i do! not that'd i'd really talk to you in real life but it's nice to see what's going on in your life. especially when it comes to weddings, babies, or en-gage-ment photos. what really get's justin's goose is when we are having fun somewhere and i'm more obsessed with documenting our time "for our fans" then i am enjoying it. just the price we pay to be fabulous right?

fb gossip galore - your man-squeeze doesn't care that jonas mcfinkerstein just changed his relationship status to "it's complicated" or that prissy is leaving college to visit her sick aunt in the country for 9 months. they want the highlights, not the news report. i really need to work on this - i'm a gossip whore. anytime i get with kayla, that's all we do - gossip about people from hs! so guilty as charged.

lipgloss and all things smelly - while men appreciate you smelling like roses and shining like a star, they don't want it all over them. you can put buttercup dream all over yours lips but that won't make romeo want to smack your lips [get the pun?]. same goes with lotion. i love midnight fusion and dream escape just as much as the next girl, but enough  is enough. after we put on all our smell-good, we end up reeking like a bad batch of 1996 potpourri your mom left out in the guest room.

your imaginary friend's drama - i too am flabbergasted by callie's big revelation last week. and i am sick of being apart of this 'when-will-they' yoyo with michael and holly, but talking about it endlessly with your man only makes him want to mcsnooze you away. sometimes after a real juicy part of my book has been read, i'll hash out the details with justin- even predicting what i think is going to happen next or what may have been. i think this is when he dreams of being that guy from click with the mute button. oh, and don't compare him to any kind of sparkling men. that's how you end up on fml.

giant purses - i love everything super sized. my glasses, my sweaters, my slurpee, and my fries. but we have to draw the line somewhere. even in my mid-sized purse i lose my keys. how do people cope with giant bags? honestly, i think there's some sort of inverse equation going on here: the smaller the chick, the larger the bag.

uggs: or as justin affectionately calls them, my ugglies. don't ask me to explain this one. i love my uggs!

forcing him to read your blog - sure, my blog is titled 'justin and melissa' but who are we kidding here? justin barely looks at this, let alone writes on it! i have a bazillion blogs i follow- how many of those are written by guys? none. i still guilt justin into reading ours mine every once in a while. and every once in a while he surprises me by actually reading it!

ellen - this one i am completely befuddled by. WHO could not LOVE ELLEN? i liked her post-coming out and pre-talk show. i saw her comedy dvd and fell in love due to the toilet paper skit. she gives crap away, dances, and has the ability to make me pee a little while laughing. i. heart. ellen.

bedazzling things - now this is quite different then vajazzling - i bet some guys would def love that [those with faint of hearts should not find out what this is - devin, i'm talking to you]. i love sparkles- i've bejazzled my phone, my car dash, my desk, my computer- you name it, it's either pink, sparkly or both. boys tend to not like this-mystery.

your "things" - i completely understand why you would need smelly and non-smelly lotion, a safety pin, toothpick, and can-opener in your purse but your husband won't. and he won't get why you have to have 3 kinds of running shoes [pretty ones for the gym, nasty ones for puddling through dirt, and worn in ones for hiking]. don't even ask him to accept your plethora of beauty products just for the shower [shampoo, condition, deep conditioner, clarifying shampoo, dandruff shampoo, shower gel, loofah [did you know what we call a loofah is technically a bath sponge? a loofah is a sponge, not the fluffy-net thingy. fun fact for ya (mouth twitch)], bath beads, bath salts...don't make me keep going]. i think i described it best to justin one time - i need my "things" around me to remind me i'm loved. who didn't have miss shampoo marry mr condition, only be interrupted by senor soap during the nuptials? we are not asking you to understand, just accept.

these all just go to confirm what we already knew - we are in a never-ending battle of the sexes. we will never get why they can't remember to put the seat down, their need to grill things, why their vocal register [and IQ] drops a few registers while talking to men [how many times can you say 'dude' before it gets redundant?], or what their fascination is with balls [basket, base, foot, soccer, golf, or even their own]. we will never understand.

but isn't that part of the appeal?