the woof & her tale

i've spoken of kitty-cait before. she is quite the dealio around these parts...anyways she is quite the accomplished poetess/writer and i am her numero uno fan. with her permission, i've decided to become her first publisher. so when she makes it big-time, i get red carpet tickets. and swag- stuff we all get. i love swag, i basically decorated my condo for free with all my swag.

treat your girlfriend right
Treat your girlfriend right
Treat her right, treat her right

G is for the gobbling sound that she makes as she eats a moose leg
I is for the ignorance she has when she thinks that she is dead
R is for the righteousness she has in being a church goer
L is for the laughing and the giggling you do each time she is over
F is for the fire she has in her eyes, when she looks at your happy face
R is for the rhinoceros moves she does when she is dressed in lace
I is for the illness she has at night crying over you
E is for the endless love that you have for her too
N is for the naughty thing they did together whenever they were bored
D is for the downing of candy and fat your girlfriend used to hoard.

Girlfriend, there aint no other, like girlfriend
So treat her right treat her right.

serpent tongue
The flame that dampens all my light
And licks my darkened soul

I cannot tell ‘tween day and night

I’m hidden like a fool

‘Tis Voldemort that keeps me down

I cannot breathe in deep

Because he keeps my light from me

My heart, it starts to weep.

I neat my woof, my furry friend

My heater in the cold
I cannot live without her today
My life is growing old

Voldemort, you serpent tongue
It’s yours who licks the flame
The flame that dampens all my night
I’m sick of your foul game.

Woof, if you can hear my purr
Meet me in the sky
If you can’t get there, call my name
Right there, I’ll be your fly.

the braithwaite plays II: "the dates in apt 28"
SETTING: An ice-cold night in Stadium Way. Stone is on her way home, driving impossibly fast, to her unicat and werewooof roommates. She is unsuspecting what the night will bring. ahhhH!HHHHH!ahHH!H

Caitlin: Wow. This is an ice-cold night.
Mel: I know. I can't wait til Stone gets home from driving impossibly fast.
Cailtin: I know. She is totaly unsuspecting what the night will be bring.
Both: AHahhHHAhahahah!!!
Catlin: When does he get here?
Mel: IDK. He's totally LTN so he needs to GAL or else I'm gonna EAT HIM.
Caitlin: Ya, I'm totally thirsty. JJ didn't satisfy my quench at all. Plus, he kinda smelled like death.
Mel: woh! woH there! Don't get too upset my little unicat, or else your horn will pop out of your head again.
Caitlin: your right. ill do the happy baby pose to calm myself.
STONE APPROACHES IN THE DRIVEWAY
dun-dun-dun!
On the way out of the car, Stone sees across the parking lot, a one Mr. Thomnus the Accountant. He's dressed in all black, walking with a cane, and smoking a fake cigarette while hopping on one foot bc he's a pansy and still complaining over his "basketball injury"
Mr. Thomnus: Why hello there little darling
Stone: Oh! Mr. Thomnus! I wasn't expecting YOU here... at this hour...in my parking lot...looking so MI-T-FINE!
Mr. Thomnus: That's right stone. I am looking good.
Mel and Caitlin rush out to greet the two star-crossed lovers
Caitlin: Your here! I just fell asleep with my narcoleptic powers and dreamed you into coming here to take stoner mc b out on a date tonight!
Mel: (to stone) Your welcome!
Caitlin: Now stone, hop on my back and enjoy the ride!
Caitlin transforms in her unicat form
Mel: Mr. Thomnus; you better hold on tight spider monkey
Mel transforms into a werewooooof
Mr. Thomnus: Stone, I've always loved you. Say your a bird.
Stone: uhhh.... what?
Mr. Thomnus: Say your a bird (...[whispers]..if your a bird im a bird...)
Stone makes her grimace
Stone: No. Your a poop.
Mr. Thomnus: Say it. Out Loud.
Stone: Vampire. oh wait, what?
THE END

the ballad of stinky x
I found these journals in the dungeon when i was doing research in the mind of JJ.

Day 1

Fall semester started today. I have one English class. I still work as team leader in the braithwaite. Soon i'll be assistant regional manager to Sam Heaps. I was nervous about who i would work with so I brought Harold the Hippo with me to work. He calmed my fears quite a bit until the new girl, the one with the chest, said hi to me. I jumped and started pacing about and then bounced up the stairs and hid in my special hiding place. Harold found me there and calmed my nerves. I was able to keep working. Until I had to poop. Then i pooped. Toilet didn't like me much after that one.

Day 2
Today at work I pretended to be a professor. I hid in his office and sat behind his desk. Harold pretended to be my student. We have so much fun together. I just hope the girls don't discover him.

Day 3
I left one of my assignments in the janitor closets today in hopes that mel would see it and be impressed. She looked at it but didn't say anything. I was so nervous. She did say hi to me again. I ran away farting and hid in the stairwell again.

Day 15
Yesterday i pooped in the toilet and didn't flush it. Mel cleaned it today. She stopped saying hi to me. What did I do? Harold and I had some drinks in mourning.

Day 23
I called in sick today. I had a black eye.

Day 45
Today at work I worked so hard. I cleaned a toilet. It drained me so i sat for the rest of the time in the computer room.

Day 46
sometimes i like to leave puffs of gas everywhere i go.

Day 47
Today mel turned out the lights to the computer room. I didn't know what to do so i hid up against the wall in the dark. I like dark places. They remind me of my cave at home.

Day 50
I'm no longer a student. I'm just a janitor. Mel still hasn't said hi to me. but at least i have harold. He'll never leave my side. today we hid in the dungeon. The girls think i'm working. but i'm not.

Day 62
I was a half hour late today. But i finished all 4 bathrooms by 6:45. Still ample computer time. tomorrow i'm going to try to be early.

Day 63
I showed up early today. Ended by 6:15. computer here i come.

Day 72
I fart in elevators and pretend it isn't me.

Day 101
Mel wasn't here today. I did trashes

Day 102
Mel still wasn't here. I farted a lot because i missed her so much. I did the trashes and sat in a teachers office for like a half hour. I made it seem like I was working, but i was really playing with his action figures.

Day 103
i think Mel is never coming back. (sob sob fart fart) I guess i'll vacuum today. (poop)

Day 105
Today i creeped around a lot. And left gas clouds everywhere. I think i opened the Chamber of Secrets...

coming soon!! 'your ruby eyes'