gLeek

last night, i had my very-needy feet proped up on my handsome husbands lap as we were watching glee and i had a revelation- i aspire to be awesome as sue sylvester. sure, she's the antagonist in the show and what she says is usually offensive to everybody watching it, but come on! she's hilarious. who hasn't wanted to done a cone bra?

so i've compiled some of her best quotes. my goal for the week: try to incorporate one of these bits of awesomeness in daily conversation.

-I will no longer be carrying around photo ID. Know why? People should know who I am.
-You don't deserve the power of Madonna... simply put, you have all the sexuality of all those pandas down at the zoo, who refuse to mate.
-I thought I smelled cookies from the tears of elves weeping that live in your hair
-What would Madonna do? Well, the answer to that question would normally be: date a younger man.
-Get ready for the ride of your life Will Schuester. You're about to board the Sue Sylvester Express. Destination horror!
-You'll be adding revenge to the long list of things you're no good at, right next to being married, running a high school glee club and finding a hairstyle that doesn't look like a lesbian.
-All I want is just one day a year when I'm not visually assaulted by uglies and fatties.

- You think this was hard? Try auditioning for Baywatch and being told they're going in another direction. That was hard.
-[Ramps] are what I call lazy-makers. They discourage able-bodied students from getting proper exercise by using the stairs.
- I, for one, think intimacy has no place in a marriage. Walked in on my parents once and it was like seeing two walruses wrestling.
-You're dealing with children. They need to be terrified. It's like mother's milk to them.
- I'll often yell at homeless people: 'Hey, how is that homelessness working out for you? Try not being homeless for once.'
- I'm going to ask you to smell your armpits. That's the smell of failure, and it's stinking up my office.
-I always thought the desire to procreate showed deep personal weakness.
-I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then on some dark cold night, I will steal away into your house and punch you in the face.
-That was the most offensive thing I've seen in 20 years of teaching. And that includes an elementary school production of Hair.
-I like minorities so much, I'm thinking of moving to California to become one.

kudos sue sylvester, kudos.